Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Be You

Today I would like to talk to you about the term healthy. If you are American, and probably if you are not American, you are probably sick of people talking about fat people and what is a healthy size. I know that I for one could go a life time without ever hearing people rant about this subject until they are blue in the face and be perfectly happy. That isn't going to happen though so lets just talk about the elephant in the room.

Whether we like it or not, and whether it is right or not (spoiler it is not) our society judges people and bases their worth off of their size. Media has trained us that thin is both pretty and healthy. If you were to go out and ask anyone what a healthy person looked like I guarantee you that almost everyone would say thin.

They would be wrong.

I am not going to deny that being overweight is bad for your health, it really can be. However healthy and skinny are not the same thing anymore than unhealthy and fat are the same thing. These things are not mutually exclusive and never have been. You can be thin and unhealthy, and shocker, you can be fat and healthy.

First let us take the BMI and throw it out the window. Anyone who references a persons BMI as any indicator on what they should weigh and their health is going to be ignored because you are working off faulty logic and science. The BMI was never designed to be used on an individual level, and was never really scientifically sound for being used on a large scale. Let us all right here and now agree that the BMI is complete and total bunk.

No seriously it is a bunch of bullshit. Don't believe me? Ok let me elaborate. Going by the BMI pretty much every professional athlete is at least obese if not morbidly so. Turns out lean muscle weighs more than fat, so incredibly muscular people can't meet their BMI. Also anyone with a high bone density is screwed when it comes to BMI. Most of them would have to remove a femur to meet their BMI.

Ok now that that is out of the way let us move on.

So if fat isn't unhealthy what is? Well you should probably go consult a physician about that one. Your doctor can tell you if you are healthy or not. I know it is a total shocker, they went to school for this, and can actually tell you these things.

If you go to your doctor and they tell you are fat and need to lose weight without running any tests on you,  you might consider finding another doctor. I have been to doctors who will blame everything on my weight and won't even entertain the idea that there is something else wrong with me. I am sorry but I am not coughing because I am fat, please check me for the flu you idiot.

It is possible that you might have some issues because of your weight. You could have heart issues, joint issues, cholesterol issues, blood pressure issues, diabetes, or a number of other things. Then again, you may not.If you have issues and your doctor thinks you need to lose weight because of it, then you should do that so you can  be healthy. If your doctor is not concerned, then you can decide if you want to lose weight or not. It is up to you.

That is the thing, you can not tell by looking at a persons size if they are healthy or not.  You can tell if they are fat or not, but that doesn't tell you if they are healthy. Unless you are their doctor you have absolutely no idea if they are healthy.

I dare anyone to look at me and tell me I am unhealthy. I dare you to tell me to my fat face that I am unhealthy. Do it and you may learn how well I can throw a right cross and will most certainly learn the true sharpness of my tongue.

First off it is most likely none of your business what state of health I am in.

Am I healthy? Yes actually I am. According to my doctor, who went to school for many years to learn stuff about people and their health, I am healthy. I have perfect cholesterol, and blood pressure, and have no signs of being or becoming diabetic, and my heart is in above average shape. Anything that might be wrong with me is in no way associated with my weight.

I am healthy and I am fat. Get over it.

Am I in shape? No, I really am not, but being in shape is not an indicator of being in good health. I can make it up three flights of stairs and not want to curl up on the ground and die, so I count that as a win. My best friend, the mighty B, is probably one of the most in shape humans I know, and she is on the chubby side. Again fitness does not equal healthy or skinny. I know people who are rail thin that can't take three flights of stairs without wanting to puke, so shove off.

Basically, stop judging people. Just stop.

A skinny person is not automatically healthy, and a fat person is not automatically unhealthy.

Unless you are a persons doctor and have run tests on them, YOU CAN NOT JUDGE THEIR LEVEL OF HEALTH.
If you are not a persons personal trainer YOU CAN NOT JUDGE THEIR LEVEL OF FITNESS.
Most importantly, unless you are that person YOU CAN NOT JUDGE THEM!

Go mind your own business. Worry about your own health, and size, and fitness. Go be happy with yourself. Go care about yourself. Judging other people only makes you an asshat. It puts nothing negative energy back into the world, and seriously the world is shitty enough already without adding more trolls to it.

Skinny women are beautiful.
Fat women are beautiful.
Women who fall between these two extremes are beautiful.
Women with muscles are beautiful.
Women with rolls are beautiful.
All women are beautiful.
All women are real women, stick thin and flat as a board or curves for days, you are real women and you are as beautiful as you let yourself believe you are because no one can determine your worth and beauty but you.

Be happy, and be healthy, and be yourself whatever that is. Thick or thin, just be you, even if you could be Batman instead, because Batman is already Batman, and that has been done before. Be something better than Batman, because you can.  

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Lets all go to the movies

The clock in the car is reading 6:55 as we pull into a parking spot and I am already frowning at the husbeast. I hop out before he has finished turning the car off and scurry towards the building without really waiting for him to catch up as I have no intention of being late. A few minutes later I am taking the stairs nearly two at a time, thankful for my long legs, as I sprint for the back row which is thankfully still empty as it is our favorite spot. The husbeast settles in next to me just in time for the lights to start to dim. The room is momentarily dark before the whirl of the projector can be heard and the screen in front of us comes to life with vivid bright light.

I love movies.

Whether I am settling in at a theater or working on my ass groove in my couch at home, I absolutely love movies. I have a ridiculous movie collection and know the staff of our local theater by name to support my claims of my movie addiction.

What isn't to love about the movies? I mean the experience of going to the theater, sitting in the darkness as worlds are laid out before you, where you can watch love grow, and sorrow pour forth, and mysteries unravel in suspense is completely liberating. For the run time of that movie you are not in your own world but in another that was carefully crafted for you. For that short amount of time you can escape your own life and problems and immerse yourself elsewhere.

People have used movies as a type of escapism as long as there have been movies. During the depression, wars, and times of national strife people fled to the theaters for some way to not think about all the problems in the world. With the advent of the VCR and subsequent technology (DVR, BluRay, Digital download), movie channels like HBO, Starz, Showtime, and Cinemax, and eventually streaming services such as Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime people can administer a much needed dose of escapism from the comfort of their own homes (or wherever they are with a well charged tablet and a wi-fi signal).

Still with movies being such a well loved pastime there is so much hate and vitriol out there for them. There are entire websites dedicated to picking apart and destroying movies. Now don't get me wrong, there are some really awful movies out there, but when I stop and look at some of the movies receiving such hate, I have to stop and wonder what is wrong with these people.

I have a friend who is notorious for hating all movies. In reality he actually likes a lot of movies. It is  the fact that he has such fervent hate for any popular movie that is based on something like a comic, TV series, or book (which pretty much all modern movies fall into this category) and is very vocal about his hate makes him seem like an all around movie hater. It is bad enough though that there is a moratorium on movie discussions when  he is in the house, and he is pretty much never invited to see a movie with us.

I have heard him say before that he thinks that I have very low expectations of movies and that is why I am not disappointed in more of them. I say that is complete and total bunk. I actually have very high expectations of most movies, and even I can be (and have been) disappointed in what I have been presented. I am just more tolerant than he is, and according to sites like Rotten Tomatoes, than most people.

First off I have pretty much no problem with variances between movies and their source material. I am a huge Douglas Adams fan, and you can't really love his work if you can't accept that the same story is going to be different in every incarnation it has. You will be hard pressed to find a radio play or movie script for Hitchhikers guide that is the same as the books or any other scripts for the story. That was done on purpose, and I love him for that, and for teaching me that the details can change and the story can live on.

Rare is it that a book can directly translate into a film. Sure we would all love for every minute detail of our much love novels to be depicted on screen exactly how they were written, but lets face it, that is impossible. Some things just don't translate well and would hurt the story in film format. Sacrifices have to  be made.

Let us also accept that they can not always find actors who look exactly like the character in the book and can also pull off the character. Yes there is a height discrepancy between Hugh Jackman and Wolverine from the comics. Get over it, that man has Wolverine down. Again sacrifices have to be made.

Also you have to remember that the movie is being made with a modern audience in mind so it is not going to always follow the tone of the book exactly, and it most certainly will be tonally different if it is a remake of a beloved childhood show or movie. You have to accept that what children of the 80's wanted to see is not the same as what children of 2015 want. They want cool graphics and more explosions, and modern relevant cultural references.

Lets address another big hater point; historical fiction. There is a very important word in that particular drama that people seem to dismiss far too easily. No, not Historical, I was referring to the word fiction. If you want something that is historically accurate you need to find something that is listed under the heading documentary, and even then you are going to most likely find something with a bias slant which obscures certain facts.

No matter how you look at it, all films, even documentaries, are going to get facts wrong or gloss over things that could be important. In historical fiction films there is going to  be a lot more inaccuracies than in documentaries but this doesn't mean that they are outright bad movies. Do not go in expecting to learn history from something that is fiction. Do you even know what that word means?

In historical fiction movies you should probably be looking for overall themes, concepts, and messages instead of factual accuracy. I mean there are of course some gross inaccuracies that would warrant outrage, but for the most part the things people hate on in movies are much more minute, like perception of certain historical figures that they don't think mesh with the common agreed persona of that person.

Take your historical fiction with a grain of salt and go read some biographies and history books to determine the 'truth' of events is the best thing I can say about that. Enjoy the  movie for what it is and let it go.

After all of that I think what needs to be done is for you to ask yourself a few simple questions:

Did I enjoy the movie?

This is probably the most important question. If the answer is yes it was a good movie. If the answer is no, it could still be a good movie.

Was I emotionally moved by the movie in some way?

If you found your heart skipping when the two lovers finally kissed, crying when the anti hero tragically sacrificed themselves for redemption, or terrified as the suspense unraveled, it is a pretty good guess that this was a good movie. Movies are supposed to invoke emotional responses and if it engaged you enough to receive those reactions then they did a good job.

Did I feel a connection with the characters?

Characters are not real people, but if you feel for them and are invested in their outcome then it was probably a good movie. If you get indignant for a character when they are mistreated, or genuinely want to see them find happiness, or care about them in any way, then they really did their job well.
Did I ever get bored with the movie?

Was the movie overly confusing and frustrating? 

There are confusing movies and then there are confusingly frustrating movies. Dannie Darko and Memento come to mind as confusing movies that were good. The time lines are all mixed up and there is a lot going on, but the movies are still engaging and entertaining. At no point did I ever stop the movie and say to hell with it because I had no idea what was going on and therefor no longer cared.

Did you ever get bored with the movie?

This is a tricky one. Boring movies can still be good movies. If it is boring and you sit through it and are still able to say you enjoyed it, or that it was emotionally evocative, chances are it wasn't a terrible movie. I have this problem with Saving Private Ryan. Good movie, but it was so slow I kept getting up and going to do other things instead of watching it. I wasn't in the right mind frame to watch it at that time, but it didn't make it a bad movie.

So an example of a bad movie?

The new Conan was so boring that I found myself making grocery lists and pondering what to make for dinner; strike 1. The writing was also so incredibly disjointed that I found it confusing and hard to form an attachment to any of the characters or care about them; strike 2 and 3. It was completely not enjoyable and is one of the few examples of me hating a remake. It met none of my criteria for a good movie. 

Of course when it comes down to it, that is just my opinion. Whether a movie is good or bad is completely subjective. Should you take Rotten Tomatoes or a critics word for whether or not a movie is good; probably not. There is no guarantee that what the reviewers were looking for are the same things that you are looking for in a movie. Just because they hate it doesn't mean you will, and just because they love it doesn't mean you will.

Remember critics went to school for film a lot of the time and the things they are judging the movie on is probably not criteria that you are looking for. It is sort of like watching ice skating or gymnastics. You see a beautiful entertaining routine and the judges give it low scores because they weren't low enough in their rotation or they wobbled a little too much on dismount.

Always give things a chance, and you might be surprised where you find a gem of a movie that you will love and cherish forever. You may enjoy it, and then again you may not, but you will never know until you try it.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Slaying the Apathy Beast

Starting is the hardest part of just about anything. When you begin a journey you are full of hope but you are also full of trepidation. There are just so many things to do and think about that sometimes it becomes daunting and seems just to be much simpler to just not start anything at all.

Starting again is even worse. Not only are you plagued by the typical concerns of beginning something but now you have to deal with all the questions and doubts about why you stopped in the first place. The thought that perhaps you had somehow failed and having to consider if this time will be any different. It can be enough to make you give up before you have begun.

The world is littered with half written novels, partially painted pictures, mostly knitted sweaters, and projects doomed to never see the light of day thanks to anxiety and apathy. It always seems easier to stop or never begin that to fail or get bored with something, or at least that is what we all like to tell ourselves when we look back on the could have been in our life.

When I started this blog almost 4 years ago I was very determined not to let this become a project I regretfully set aside and looked back on longingly. I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to make the same old excuses that we all make when we let things fall by the wayside. I was going to do this thing because it was something I genuinely wanted to do.

Now here I sit looking back at the last year and I realize that is exactly what I did. I posted a total of 32 times last year and it has been almost two whole months since my last post. In the world of a short attention spanned blog audience that is forever (I know I counted).

I look back and I ask myself what the hell happened? Had I grown bored? Had I run out of things to write? Had I run out of time? Was it a combination of all of these things that made me set aside something that I used to enjoy so much?

If I am lying to myself, and you, I would say yes. It would be a lie though.

The truth is, I just haven't been here. I have no excuses, I just haven't bothered.

I have more than enough time. As I sit at my desk playing Candy Crush on my phone I could easily be cranking out blog posts. So obviously time is not an issue. I have plenty of time if I would just make it.

I certainly haven't run out of things to write about. If that ever happens I have probably run out of air to breath. My personal life is full of things I could be writing about and always is. We are having a new house built and that experience could have an entire blog devoted to it.

Personal life aside the world has been full of topics that are just begging to be written about. I mean you can't swing a cat without hitting an article about a dozen different hot topic issues from feminism, to the Interview and Sony cyber attack, to the tragedy of Charlie Hebdo, to mental illness, to a hundred other topics that have been in the spotlight. Material is certainly not an issue.

I suppose I have let apathy take a firm grip on me and have not been able to escape. I have made many attempts at breaking the cycle of doing nothing, but little has come of it. I have deleted more half written posts over the last few months than I would really like to admit.

So what does this mean for the blog? Am I giving up on it? No I most certainly am not. I still have far to many things to say, whether anyone is listening or not. Will I be posting more? Who knows. I am most certainly going to try, but you know what they say about good intentions.

Being honest with you my minions means that I can't keep lying to myself. I have to admit I have just been apathetic and lazy if I ever want to overcome this and get back on the path I set for myself. Sometimes it just takes saying it out loud.

So here is hoping that I have shoved the apathy monster back into its box for a while and I can get back to accomplishing that which I set out to do. I hope that if any of you are being sat upon by this particular beast that you can shrug it off and get started again. We are all capable of so many amazing things, we just have to get started.

Starting is hard.
The journey is worth it.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Moments from working a Ren Faire

Working at a Renaissance Festival provides for some incredibly interesting moments in my life. Working retail at said festival  can make things just that much more interesting, especially when the shop I work for is a large and well known Pagan store. I find myself in philosophical debates over faith just about as often as I find myself trying to keep drunks from licking the display cases.
Here are just a few interesting moments from working in the shop this past weekend.

-Customer walks to the counter with a leather bound journal to purchase and hands me a credit card to pay for it.

Me: May I please see your ID?
Customer: I am old enough to buy a journal. Look they sold me beer *holds up his beer to prove he is of age*
Me: *Raises eyebrow at him*
Customer: *looks confused for a moment before look of realization comes across his face* want my ID to make sure the credit card isn't stolen. You weren't carding me for the journal.
Me: How many beers have you had this morning?

-Two customers looking at the statues of different Gods and mythological icons.

Customer 1: Why do they have two Poseidons?
Customer 2: They don't. One is Poseidon and one is Neptune.
Customer 1: Aren't they the same person?
Customer 2: Not exactly. One is a Greek God and the other is a Roman God.
Customer 1: So same God, different name?
Customer 2: Pretty much. Like Hades and Ares, both gods of the underworld, one is Greek one is Roman.
Random customer eavesdropping: Wow you really killed that smart vibe you had going there for a minute.
Customer 2: What?
Random customer: Hades and Ares are both Greek. Hades rules the underworld, Ares is the war God. Pluto is the Roman God of the underworld.
Customer 2: *looking flustered* Whatever *walks away with customer 1*
Random customers friend: Dude how they hell did you know that?
Random customer: *shrugs* I watched a lot of Xena as a kid.

-A man in his mid 40's and his mother are looking at rings and he has the typical wide eyed reaction to me in a bodice.

Man: How do you get your boobs to do that?
Me: I get dressed?
(The mother referred to me as Big Bada Bosom the rest of the time they were in the shop much to her sons dismay)

-Two middle aged women looking at the jewelry in our case and see the tray of silver pentacles.

Woman 1: Are those Jewish?
Woman 2: Stars of David?
Coworker: The Star of David has six points, these have 5.
Woman 1: So are they like evil devil worship signs?
Coworker: No not really.
Woman 2: Well why do they always show it in movies when evil devil worshipers are doing stuff?
Coworker: Well Hollywood tends to like to use symbols people don't understand for whatever they like.
Woman 1: So it isn't evil?
Coworker: Well you can take it to mean whatever you like, but typically no, not evil.
Me: A five pointed star in a circle is meant to be a sign of protection and peace.
Woman 1: Oh I like that.

Friday, November 7, 2014

An Ending Place

I am a consumer of stories. Ever since I was a little girl I have been practically obsessed with tales of things outside of myself. I suppose it is a side effect of an over active imagination. Every story I come across id just fuel for the fire so to speak.

I am not really picky about the format my stories come in. I am just as happy to pick up a book as I am to turn on the TV or go out to the movies. The rather impressive collection of books and DVD's in my house is proof enough of this.

I am also not really a genre snob. You will find a little of everything on my shelves. High fantasy books sit happily next to leather bound classics, which are in turn nestled up against my collection of paranormal smut. If you look at my movies shelves you will find Bram Stokers Dracula sandwiched between Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog and Easter Parade.

As a lover and collector of stories there is one thing that I find so incredibly vexing that I have actually lost sleep over it; unfinished stories. There is nothing worse than having an author stop writing a book series for whatever reason or having a TV series cancelled before the story has ended. I have actually been known to watch shows I don't particularly enjoy or books I am not fond of just to see how the story ends. So you can imagine how distressing I find it when a series I enjoy doesn't ever get its ending.

Early on in my relationship with the husbeast he introduced me to the Wheel of Time book series. I believe at that time Robert Jordan was somewhere around book 8. Jordan was one of those authors who took his time writing each of his books. He wasn't as bad as George R.R. Martin is (or so I am told, I don't read those books) but it was enough to make most of his fans overly anxious.

I stopped reading the books around book five because it had gotten to the point that I needed a flow chart to keep the characters and their past lives straight. I was still interested in the story though, so I would have the husbeast just tell me what happened in the other books to satisfy my need to know. It was a system that worked well for us.

Robert Jordan sadly became ill before he had finished the series and all of his fans were left terrified that he would pass away before he had finished telling this epic tale. Luckily for us he managed to write out several key chapters for the last few books as well as audibly tell the end of the story to his family and another author so that the story could be finished.

While the Wheel of Time got its ending, there are so many other stories that will never have an end. Authors die unexpectedly, shows get cancelled, or any other number of things happen that cut short well loved stories before their time has come. We the audience are left to forever wonder how the story might have ended.

Sure I could just use my over active imagination and write my own ending to the story. That is always an option, and it is one I have employed on several occasions. It is never really satisfying though. I am always left to wonder where the original author or creator would have taken the story. I want to know what they intended for their creation.

While book series that end prematurely are often times because the author has passed away, TV shows and movies are often given an early termination because ratings do not please the financially concerned executives that give them life. I wish, in this situation, that there was a place where the writers could go and just tell the fans, no matter how small the fan base is, what they had intended to do with the rest of the story.

I would love to see a place where the answers to the pressing questions that are left behind are answered. I mean most of the time when a series is cancelled there was some form of cliffhanger at the end of the last season. Farscape fans were horrified by the last episode of the last season and until Peacekeeper wars was thankfully made their last image of the story was incredibly unsatisfying and disturbing.

Not every series is going to get that wrap up made for TV movie. Most series are just going to leave you wondering if the character that was left bleeding on the floor of a basement actually died, or if the bad guy was ever caught, or if the boy actually gets the girl. Most cancelled series will just leave you full of disappointment and questions and that is sad.

I know some writers don't want to tell the ending of the stories without actually telling it. Just blurting out the ending without actually creating the story in some medium seems wrong to them, which I can understand to a point. This still does not stop me from really wanting them to just tell the ending anyways because in a way I feel that their audience deserves it, but more importantly the characters deserve it. I try not to be one of those demanding sorts of people who expect things of others but seriously don't start a story and then leave people hanging.

Alas a magical database of the endings to unfinished stories will never be. Characters will forever be left in limbo and questions will forever be unanswered. I will have to be content with the endings that I created in my own mind and move on to the next story.

Thankfully there are always more stories.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Illusions of Time and Reality of Love

We measure our lives in time. Whether it be the smallest second or decades we only know this unit of measurement for telling how long it has been sense an event has occurred.

The problem with time is it is not accurate. Sure you know technically how many minutes or days have passed but when was the last time when you were waiting for time to pass that it felt accurate?

We have all lived through the two hour second or looked back on a single year and were unable to fathom how you could do so much in just a year. Time really is just an illusion.  It is what we do in that time that is real.

Today, for me, 10 is the number that matters. Ten years to be specific. Ten years which marks almost 1/3 of my life. Ten years which encompasses so much more than that measure of time can describe.

Ten years ago today I said I didn't care about pretty dresses or girlish dreams. Ten years ago I said that all the fluff and trappings didn't matter.  Ten years ago I said the only thing in the world that was important was being married to my husbeast come days end; and it still is the only thing that matters.

Since that night ten years have passed but I am here to tell you that it has been so much more than that. Truly I feel that a lifetime has passed in this time. I can not wrap my brain around how we have shared so much love and so many adventures in such a short amount of time.

I know there are people who would argue that a decade is a long time. Surely in an age of famous celebrity marriages that last barely a month ten years really is a lifetime. For me though it seems like a drop in the bucket.

This last decade has been hard at times but more often it has been good. Together in this time the husbeast and I have gone on many great adventures, done many scary new things, and laughed enough to power the world for ten generations to come. I don't know how we managed it all in just ten years.

What I do know for certain is that time might not seem real but everything that has happened is certainly the real McCoy.  It doesn't matter how long they took it just matters that they happened.

You say ten years. I say an immeasurable lifetime.

To my love, my friend, my husbeast; here is to this lifetime and so many more to come no matter how it gets measured.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

An Open Letter to Everyone Everywhere

Dear Everyone everywhere,

Where have you gone?

I find as I look around myself you are nowhere to be found. I can remember a time when you were so vibrant and real, living in the world with such enthusiasm for life. You were always creating such wonderful ideas, joyful music, and even melancholy prose at times. I could never miss seeing you as you would not be hidden by even the largest of shadows.

Now you are gone. Now you seem to simply exist on the surface instead of being an active part of this fragile fleeting thing we know as life. You have been reduced to shared infografics, marginally accurate personality quizzes, and cat memes. Your original content has been lost in some faceless algorithm which now defines you more than a poorly thought out profile bio.

Even when we are together you are not there. You are trapped behind a wall of pixels and the shackles of free wifi. The non goings on of a society of robots takes the foreground to reality. An electronic thumb symbol has replaced a genuine smile or simple touch.

I watch as you lose your empathy and grow your narcissism with every vain selfie that you vomit up. You try and show yourself to the world by removing yourself from the here and now with every snap of the lens and Instagram filter.

Perhaps I am to blame as I too have disengaged. I am just as guilty of hiding behind the home row on my keyboard eagerly awaiting the next bit of digital voyeurism to come my way. I too have found the safe malaise of what we have come to accept as life.

I want to be better, I do. It is just lonely here now. You have all gone away and I am not sure you even realize it. I miss you.

Please come back to me and to the world. Say your own words instead of puppeting back the seemingly profound words of others. We have stopped creating anything new, and it is destroying all of us. Make your own music, write your own stories, be your own philosopher.For your own good. For the good of the future.

Start living again. Do not be a slave to your job and to your life; live it. Even if it is only in the small moments, live it. Make the most of everything you can because it will all be gone far too soon. In the end you won't lie waiting for your last breath thinking of silly cats, annual incomes, or whether you are thin enough. You will remember a gentle kiss, joyous laughter, painful tears, and smiling faces.

Make sure you have a full lifetime of these things to remember.

Please come back to me, I promise I will be a better person.