Friday, November 30, 2012
Nearly every fairy tale you read is about being in love. The fair princess and her handsome prince defying some great odds to be together. True loves kiss will solve all the worlds ills. There is always a happily ever after.
Here in the real world things work a little differently. Love is one of the greatest powers in the universe, I will not deny that. True loves kiss, or at least the first kiss, can stop traffic and be accompanied by fireworks and singing angels. All of this I have lived and felt and loved.
The part they never tell you about in the fairy tales is it is not really 'happily ever after'. Hell sometimes it isn't even 'ever after'. It is not some magical smooth happy effortless thing that happens when you fall in love. Love, and marriage, is this really messy complicated difficult thing that you have to work at constantly. Constantly!
The thing is, we aren't wired to love anyone 100% of the time. It is hard to just like someone most of the time. Love is a wonderful powerful thing, but humans are annoying and there will always be some point when you just can't stand to be around one another. All those annoying yet endearing habits your significant other has will eventually make you want to throttle them.
Is this a bad thing? No not really. This is a normal thing. This means you aren't stagnant. This means that you are alive and feeling. This just means you sometimes have to work a little harder at the whole loving and being together portion of the deal. Sometimes you just have to stop yourself from smothering the other person with a pillow.
Also, no one ever tells you that people change. People, by nature, are constantly changing. You are not the same person from day to day let alone year to year. All the things that happen to you in your daily life change you. Sometimes it is subtle and sometimes it is huge, but it is there. No one tells you that eventually you will wake up next to this person and realize they are not the person you fell in love with, and you aren't the same person either.
Again this isn't a bad thing. This is just the way things are. You have to grow and adapt together. That is part of being in love. You have to stop and look at them as who they are right then and decide to still love them. You can't look at them and see who they were and long for that instead, because seriously that isn't going to happen. If you only want that static image of them when love first began, you are in for a rocky ride with a bad ending. That sort of thinking will just eat away at your soul.
Most of the time, if you are willing to see it and accept it, these changes in yourself and your partner are not deal breakers. You can learn to accept and love them as they are. It might not be easy. In fact I can say that it actually might be really hard and probably a little painful. Still it can be done. People stay married for 50, 60, 80 years so I know it can be done. You just have to decide to keep fighting and trying.
At the same time not every partnership is salvageable. It is a sad truth that fairy tales do not prepare you for. Sometime people change too much on both sides. Sometimes, especially when you fall in love young, you grow up into different people. Sometimes the people you grow into are not the right people for one another. Sometimes it isn't forever.
I don't think this is a failure on anyones part. I don't think that the people didn't love enough, or try hard enough, or care enough. I don't think that is the truth at all. I think sometimes people just grow apart and grow into people that are better off apart. As my friend Niki says, the distance demon is a hard thing to fight. Sometimes that demon wins.
Now of course sometimes people don't try or fight for love and just give up when things get tough. The thing is it will never get any easier. You can call it quits without giving it a good try, but the next relationship you find will eventually get tough too.
If you give up every time it gets tough you will never find your true love because here is the truth of the matter; love is hard work. Love is work. Love is constant 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year work. Love is never going to be completely easy. Love is going to be a struggle. Love is going to be painful and messy and ugly. Love is a bitch.
Love will not conquer all and love is not all you need. You need patience and strength. You need compassion and empathy. You need courage; boatloads of it. You need stamina and determination. You need to be willing to give everything and then some and be prepared to lose it all. You need to be ready for a fight.
In the end though love is worth it all. It is worth the pain and frustration. It is worth all the bullshit you will go through. There are those tough times that no one prepares you for. There are all the things that the fairy tales don't say. There are also all the good things that they do tell you.
So even though I said love isn't all you need, when you come right down to it, the truth actually is, all you need is love.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
It is almost never college that I have returned to. Sometimes very rarely I am in elementary school, but that is very rare. Mostly I have gone back to high school. There is always a very plausible reason for it in the dream of course. Sometimes I am still actually in high school and sometimes I am 31 and going back to school to take a few classes I had somehow overlooked 13 years ago. How I would have missed classes or why it would matter now, I don't know. Dream me however is always alright with it.
I can never find my locker in the dream. I think this might be because for the most part I never used my locker in high school. When we had to do the quarterly locker checks I would have to be reminded where my locker was and then struggle to recall the combination. Apparently some things never change.
I also can never remember my schedule in the dreams. I am constantly questioning if I should be going to gym or algebra first thing in the morning. I also almost always realize that I have completely forgotten to go to a class for weeks. Usually this class is a science or math class. It always leaves me in a panic.
Also almost all of my dreams feature one of my actual teachers. It is normally Sharp to be honest. On occasion my French teacher has shown up and my 5th grade science teacher has made more than a couple of appearances. Last night it was my speech teacher from high school.
When he showed up in the dream I was certain it wasn't a dream. I was actually at a conference and he was there as well. It was such a shock to see him. He was older, which is expected, but since he was only about 25 when I had him as a teacher it was a little jarring. None the less he hugged me and we chatted about where life had taken me and him in the last decade. It was really pleasant and seemed so real.
Then of course a bell rang and I was late for geometry and couldn't open my locker and then realized there was a tornado bearing down on the school. You know all the typical things that happen to derail a perfectly lovely conversation with an old acquaintance. Well typical for my dreams anyways.
Am I the only one who has dreams like this? Do you have weird constants in your dreams? Are you constantly stuck in school, or in a bathroom with 12 tubs, or on a train, or having tea with Mussolini? I would love to know I am not the only one. I would also love to hear any theories you have about what they could mean. Theories are fun.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
If I write one post that comes out cranky it is pretty much a guarantee that anything I write is going to come across like that. It is a state of mind that is hard to shake. Once I get like this I can't help but to let it bleed into other things, like my writing.
I am hoping to shake this funk off by the end of work since I have plans tonight. The kid and I are going to go bra and dress shopping for a friends wedding next week. Well the bra shopping is incidental to the wedding. I just need new bras. Really it has nothing to do with the wedding. In fact I already have my dress, I just need to find a wrap. She needs a dress. And bras.
I suppose you have to be a woman to really get the significance of bra shopping. It is an especially big deal if you are not a standard size. As my friend B says my bras are not sewn but engineered by the Naval core of engineers. Sometimes I think she may be right. Seriously when you start getting into the mid range of the alphabet to size your bra it is a whole new ball game.
I am more than a little jealous of women who can walk into a Victoria Secret or hell even a Target and buy a bra right off the shelf. I was in high school the last time that happened. High school people. I passed my ten year reunion almost 4 years ago. That is a long time.
Still I am thankful that there are specialty shops that exist so I can buy bras that fit and are attractive. I hate that apparently it is assumed if you have really big boobs you don't want cute or sexy bras. What the hell is that all about?
It is sort of like how apparently if you are fat you also have a huge ass. So very not true. I am here to tell you I only got the T portion of the T&A scenario. Also might I say that being heavy is not why I have big boobs. I was a very full DD (probably closer to a DDD or E honestly if I had ever bothered to be fitted) when I was a size 10. I am never going to lack in the boob department, even if I was starving to death.
And somehow this post go away from me and I have had a rant about bras and boobs. I really didn't mean for that to happen, but there you have it. It is at least not cranky right? It is just, well not really what I was expecting to write about. What can I say, boobs happen.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
What am I doing? Well honestly not much of anything. I am playing a lot of games on my phone and on facebook but that is about the extent of it. I know they are time sucks, but this is a little silly. Also I am not really sure I can blame the games on this bout of non productivity.
Mostly I play the games at work because they are an alternative to working. I have other alternatives at hand though. I could read a book. I could work on a story. I could work on costuming paperwork that I am already behind on. I could even make grocery lists. Alas I do none of it.
I think what it comes down to is that I am just really tired and don't want to think unless I absolutely have to. I want to just let my brain decompress as much as I want the rest of me to decompress. It is one of those hazards of working faire. Full system shut down.
The thing is though that I am starting to get really annoyed by my own procrastination. I don't want all of these things that need to be done lurking out in the ether waiting for me to finish them. I want to look out and see a clean slate so I can relax without anything hanging over my head.
I have pretty much given myself until Friday to get this all out of my system. After Friday I am going to be productive again. I will clean the house, I will get the chores done, I will do my paper work, I will do my work work, I will stop procrastinating all the things.
For now though I think I will play some more sudoku.
Monday, November 26, 2012
I can't really think of anything random to post here. So let us just pretend I posted something incredibly poignant or witty here shall we? I was brilliant. You were riveted. It was amazing.
I am so happy you enjoyed.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
It is freezing cold outside and tomorrow is the last day of faire. I am exhausted and sore. I want nothing more than to sleep for a week. Instead I have to get up in the cold and work tomorrow.
For now I am snuggled under my blankets in my bunk listening to the others chat out in the cold. It will be a long day tomorrow and I need my rest.
Still as tired as I am I wouldn't trade this for anything. One last good night of faire sleep. One more faire day to go.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams.
Friday, November 23, 2012
I will write more on this when I am not having to post from my phone. Let's just say that I hate what Black Friday has forced merchants to become, but I hate more what it has caused consumers to become. It sort of is the antithesis of the day that precedes it. This is a great example of what is wrong with our world.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
This is my Thanksgiving day. Later there will be a big meal as is the thing to do on this day. There will be chatting and there will be watching of shows. There will be laughter and camaraderie. There will be mid afternoon naps and avoiding of the dishes.
There will be a relaxed sense of peace.
I could sit here and list things I am thankful for. This is the day for thankfulness. This is the day you are supposed to acknowledge those things. I am however not going to do that. I am thankful for my many blessings every day, and while I am still thankful today, I don't need to say it.
Today instead of saying it to all of you I am going to go and show my thanks by being present in the moment. I am going to enjoy my friends. I am going to enjoy my meal. I am going to enjoy this beautiful weather. I am going to enjoy my naps and my shows. I am going to show my thanks by enjoying the things I am thankful for.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Alas I am stuck in the office today just waiting for my vacation to begin. It is sort of needless to say that there is no work really happening in my office today. There is hardly anyone in the building, and from the sound of chatter going on in the far corners of the office I would say that those who are here are not working any harder than I am.
I often wonder why they bother opening an office the day before a major holiday. No one is working because they can't focus for the sheer joy of a vacation. It is a fairly universal truth that this day is made for slacking. Why not save the electricity and just let everyone go?
Of course if that were the case then the day before would simply take on this role. If you gave everyone the day before Thanksgiving off then the Tuesday before would turn into the universal slack day. I think then it might even be worse because people then have a five day holiday in front of them. Also a two day work week is just dumb.
I am eagerly waiting to see whether or not we will get an early release today. It is typical that they let us go early. Some years it is 30 minutes early. Some years it is 3 hours early. I am hoping on the latter this year. Also this year my supervisor is out of the office. He took the whole week off. The last time this happened my group was forgotten in the early release process. I am hoping this is not the case again.
So here I sit, fidgeting and trying to kill time until I can go home. No work will get done since I can't really make myself focus.Well I mean focus on work that is. Focusing on turkey induced comas to come is very easy to do.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
I find myself wanting to go to bed around 9:30 every night and not want to get up until that last possible moment in the mornings. Even then I spend most of my day yawning and longing for a nice nap. I get home from work and have the overwhelming urge to do nothing more than snuggle into my couch.
This of course doesn't help in the least with being able to keep my house in some semblance of order. It seems every week I get a little further behind. The dishes pile up a little more, the carpets gather a little more animal hair, the dust grows a little thicker. I do a little here and there when I can, but it never seems to be enough.
I think it is fairly obvious why I spend my first free weekend after faire doing a deep cleaning of the house. In the state it is in now there is no other choice. A light cleaning would simply never do. Things have just progressed beyond a nice simple clean.
Then there will be sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.
After that things will be right in the universe once again. That is until the next faire starts in about 8 weeks time. Just long enough to recover enough to proceed.
I think I might be insane.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Since my job involves putting the data in our databases for the clients, we do a lot of weekly maintenance. There are all sorts of things that have to happen every week. Most of these tasks are spread out over five days, so you can imagine that suddenly only having three days is an issue.
There are a lot of things that simply won't happen during this week. Most of it will just be pushed off until the week after without much thought. The thing is though that data sort of compounds. When you try and do two weeks worth in one week everything gets pushed back just a little. It is a minute thing, but it really adds up eventually.
By the time we get all the wrinkles smoothed out it will be Christmas and we will be facing the same problem all over again. Of course Christmas has the added bonus of a New Year holiday following it the next week which makes the end of the year particularly frustrating in the land of work.
Also there is the fact that we work on Wednesday. Every year we are told that we will be allowed to leave early. No one is really doing any work on the day before Thanksgiving. Most people took it off if they had the PTO. Those of us stuck in the office shouldn't be forced to suffer. We have places to go and turkeys to cook.
Every year it is sort of a crap shoot as to what they consider early release. I know we have at least once gotten out three hour early. I know more than once though we have been let out a mere 30 minutes early. I know I shouldn't complain about it, but seriously? Half an hour? That is almost insulting really.
Still no matter what time they let me go on Wednesday I will still have two full days off. Ok I will have one full day off and then three days of work at faire for our final weekend. Still it is something. I know people that will be working their real jobs on Friday and the just sucks.
I am thankful for the job I have and the holiday schedule they keep.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
It has finally become cold outside. Fall in Texas happens for all of a month and then we go straight into winter, which in truth only lasts a couple of months if we are lucky. We then go into a very short blustery spring and then straight into summer which lasts for most of the year.
I love the heat quite honestly. I am just not built for the cold. I am sure it has its good points, but I don't really see them. I doubt I will ever move anywhere that has a real winter. This southern girl would just not be able to adjust.
So I will bundle up in my bunk here in a minute and enjoy the fact that this is as cold as it is likely to get, and it will be gone before it really sets in.
Friday, November 16, 2012
I woke up early which is not a bad thing really. I mean early up means less chance of being late to work. The thing is I woke up early because I was having frustrating dreams. You know the type that leave you angry at the world and wanting to punch someone. I had a whole night full of those dreams and woke up wanting to scream. So instead of sleeping an extra 20 minutes and risking more frustration I hopped into the shower right after the husbeast vacated the bathroom hoping the warm water would wash away my dream induced angst.
What I failed to remember in my eagerness to get the day started was that if I don't give a good 30 minutes between showers, there is not a lot of hot water to be had. During warmer months I don't really notice since I prefer colder showers when it is hot outside. It was 63 inside my house this morning when I woke up, I wanted a hot shower. It was lukewarm in the beginning and very unpleasantly cold at the end.
I scrambled about the cold bathroom as quickly as I could to get ready which was apparently an unwise decision. Somewhere in my morning routine I managed to take a chunk out of the side of my thumb. I didn't feel it when I did it but I discovered it when I made it to the laundry room to get my clothes for the day. It only hurts if I touch it, which sadly I have discovered is going to be often as I type with the side of my thumb.
I went to make my lunch and was beginning to think my day was turning around. I discovered I had twice as much lunch meat left as I thought I did which meant I wouldn't have to go to the store directly after work so I would have lunch stuff for Monday. Then I had a masterful moment of coordination and dropped my freshly made sandwich on the floor. So much for not having to go to the store.
I did manage to get to work on time, early even, and without any incidents on the way in. That was no small miracle. Most mornings I make my drive to work and end up sitting in the parking lot fuming at someones driving stupidity.
I am alone in the office today, so I had planned on having lunch at my desk and then going to Target to walk about and get away from the office. Sometimes it is nice to just walk around and browse. Plus I could get dog food and lunch meat and save a trip to the store after work. Then I got a call saying someone is buying something we posted on Craigslist and I need to go home and get that ready on my lunch break instead. So much for relaxing.
Nothing today has been horrible just all very inconvenient and annoying. Enough things like that happen and it just makes you want the day to be over with. Sometimes low grade annoyance is worse than one huge disaster.
It could be a lot worse, but it could also be a lot better. I would just like for the rest of the day to go smoothly with the worst thing happening being the pain in my thumb every time I hit the spacebar.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Even though I had never actually seen any of the movies I knew the culture that is Bond. It is pretty hard to not know the Bond lore. I knew who M and Q and Moneypenny were. I knew the music when I heard it. I knew the great debate over who was the best Bond. I just knew it all.
I had simply never had a desire to see any of the movies. I can't explain why really. I mean I love movies in general, and I especially love action and spy flicks. It wasn't that a good deal of the movies were older, I love old movies. I just for some reason never actively went out and tried to watch the Bond films.
One year at an annual pool party a friend of mine throws, he had put the Bond movies on repeat on the TV inside as background noise. Toward the end of the party I wondered inside and caught the end of Goldfinger. It was the most of a Bond film I had ever seen.
I think it was at that same party that I finally saw my first full Bond movie. I might be mistaken, it could have been at some point not much later, but that isn't important really. I saw Die Another Day, with Pierce Brosnan as Bond. It was ok. I mean it wasn't terrible, but really it didn't sell me on the Bond series. After watching it I sort of shrugged and decided I really wasn't missing all that much.
And then they cast Daniel Craig as Bond in Casino Royale. I really like Daniel Craig. I also really was intrigued by the things I was hearing about this new reboot. My friends who have read the Bond books were excited because Bond was being taken back to being a grittier killing machine and less of a suave martini swilling playboy with fancy gadgets.
So I gave it a try when it came out on HBO, and I was hooked. I loved it. I loved Craig as Bond. I loved the movie. I loved everything about it. It was exactly what I was looking for out of an action and spy movie. This movie sold me on Bond.
I eagerly watched Quantum of Solace when it came out. It was everything I wanted in a direct sequel to Casino Royale. I was happy that it was an immediate sequel. I liked that it continued the story where we left off. I like that sort of thing. Craig still captivated me as Bond.
So when I saw Skyfall was coming out I got all excited. I wanted to see this movie so bad. I had heard it had a feel that was more of the 70's era Bond films which sounded really interesting to me. I have no real point of reference since I still have never seen one of those movies, but after watching the movie I can see where that correlation could be made.
Skyfall was a little less on the gritty hand to hand prowess and more of the lets shoot people. While I love watching a well choreographed fist fight, I am alright with people just getting shot at. The shootout scenes were well done, so you know this action junkie was satisfied.
I was very pleased to see the introduction of Q and Miss Moneypenny. I really enjoyed Q. He is a Q for the modern day. There was this pleasant level of snark and superiority to him that I found very endearing. He was a modern day geek spy. I loved it.
I also just in general really loved Bond in this movie. I mean in the last two he had some emotional issues that he dealt with, but this one was different. I liked watching him deal with some more internal issues and develop. It keeps him from being a two dimensional character that just pulls a trigger and shags hot women.
Ohh and can I just say that Javier Bardem was amazing. What an incredibly creepy crazy bad guy he made. I mean at one point I was squirming in my seat. He was just so brilliant and obsessed and insane. His bad guy made every other character shine. It was well written and brilliantly performed.
Add to all of that a wonderful directing job and fantastic music this movie really just hit all the right notes. Adelle's Skyfall is wonderful. It is so rich and earthy and so very Bond. It has that very classic Bond feel to it. Again I can see how people would liken it to the 70's Bond franchise.
I absolutely adored it, though the Husbeast couldn't manage to give it more than an "it's ok" as a review. I ribbed him that he didn't love it because I think Daniel Craig is hot, but he insisted that wasn't it. He reminded me that Craig isn't his first Bond, and much like you never forget your first Doctor, you never forget your first Bond. I totally understand that sentiment.
Still, even if Craig is not your Bond, he is a great Bond. If you have any love for Bond at all I highly recommend this movie. Hell if you like action and spy movies I highly recommend this movie.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
|We are so very children of the 80's in this picture.|
He has always been my protector. I think even when we were teenagers and he didn't like me or want me around he was still protecting me. After all I am his little sister and no one can hurt me but him. When we were very young though it was different. When we were very young he protected me very loudly and very fiercely.
My first day of kindergarten my mom told my brother that it was his job to keep me safe. He took this responsibility very seriously. I am told he carried my back pack for me and made sure I got to the right waiting spot in the cafeteria in the mornings. I am also told he insisted on walking with me to class which was a problem because he was supposed to be walking to his 1st grade class at that time. Mom had to make him back down after that.
That same year my mom learned that not only was he super protective of me, but I was incredibly fond of him. Kindergarten was only a half day affair, and I went in the mornings. I got home one day around lunch time and as my mom was helping me out of my coat and back pack in the front entry way I noticed something odd.
I could see out the huge windows that looked onto our back porch, and there was a little blonde boy playing outside. I did not recognize this little boy and it seemed very odd to me that a strange child would be playing on my back porch when both my brother and I were at school. So I asked my mom who the little boy was.
My mother, with a completely straight face, told me this was my new brother. She told me that I was always fighting with the old one so she traded him in for a new one that I might get along with better. Yes that is right my mom told me she traded my brother in for a new model.
I began to sob. I can remember being absolutely distraught over the thought of my brother being gone and this strange blonde kid replacing him. I was absolutely inconsolable and my mother just stood there and let me cry.
I kept insisting that I did not want a new brother. I wanted my brother back. Only my brother would do. My mom insisted it was too late, and I would have to deal with the new brother.
Eventually my grandmother came to my rescue. I don't really know how long my mom kept a straight face through this incident. I was too busy being distraught. There is nothing pretty about a distraught five year old. I do still remember how horrible and lost I felt though.
No matter what we have been through or how far apart we are he will always be my brother. He will always be the guy that explored our aunt's property with, the guy that spent the better part of a summer designing and building a trap in the park to get the neighborhood bully, the guy who terrified all the guys in school so I had no dating life as a teenager, the guy who made an extra trip to apologize for other peoples bad behavior at my wedding, the guy who was and is always there for me.
We may not see each other or even talk very often, but he is still my brother. I love him so very much and would not trade him for another one ever. He is my brother, and he is the best big brother in the world.
Happy birthday Matty!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
We discussed the bird, the sides, the deserts, and all in all it sounded like a pleasant and typical Thanksgiving dinner. After I hung up with him I started thinking about it some more. It sounded like a fairly standard Thanksgiving dinner to me, but that doesn't mean it is traditional to other people.
In my family when I was young, Thanksgiving dinner was always the same. There was the turkey, there were mashed potatoes, there was giblet gravy, there was dressing that was not cooked inside the turkey, there was corn, and there were green beans. We also had the exact same rolls every year with butter and garlic salt. There was the obligatory can shaped lump of cranberry sauce and a basic relish tray. There were deviled eggs that never made it to dinner. There was also the fruit salad that took forever to make and no one ever ate.
There was never any deviation in the menu. Ever. My grandmother would never accept such an idea as maybe making yams or green bean casserole. That simply was not how we did things. We ate the same meal every year because it was tradition.
When my mom got married and we started having to split our holidays between my moms family and my dads family things began to change. I suddenly was thrown into two very different sets of traditions for all of the major holidays. The food always stuck out to me as so very foreign.
My dads family does things so very different than my moms. The biggest thing that stuck out to me was the turkey was not fresh out of the oven when we ate it. It had been cooked the day before and was already sliced and waiting when we got to it. I had never heard such a thing. I mean wasn't the point to eat the turkey right out of the oven and make a big deal out of the carving of the bird?
The sides were also just bizarre to me. There were candied yams, which I had never even seen before, all covered in marshmallows and pecans. There were buttered noodles of some kind. There was ambrosia salad which I had also never seen before nor heard of.
It was like I wasn't eating Thanksgiving dinner at all because it didn't include anything I was really expecting. Thanksgiving was about tradition to me, and that was anything but tradition. I was pretty miserable for the first few holidays we spent with my dads family because it was just too weird to me to not do things the way I was used to doing them.
It really wasn't until college when I started making my own Thanksgiving dinners that I realized that what we ate didn't mean nearly as much as the company of the day. The traditions are nice, but they are not what makes the day. I don't have to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving to make the day special.
I have now had my fair share of experimental Thanksgiving dinners. There was the year that the person making the turkey wrapped it in bacon. That was horribly disappointing. The bacon was limp, unappealing, and thrown out after the bird was cooked. The bird was not actually very moist. We couldn't baste it because of the bacon so it was pretty much flavorless. It also had none of that wonderful crispy skin that makes the turkey that much better.
At the same time though we one year had whole chickens that due to a broken oven came out as black rocks. I had sat with the oven door cracked to vent smoke the entire cooking time, basting the birds every minute or so. I think I probably used a pound of butter on each bird trying to keep them from burning. I was so very embarrassed to serve them. I was certain we would be going to Denny's for Thanksgiving dinner.
It turns out once we used the butt of the carving knife to crack the shell open, the bird inside was the most amazingly delicious thing we had ever eaten. It was so moist and so flavorful that it caused my guests to just chew in quiet bliss. I will never be able to repeat that meal despite being asked to try on a regular basis.
So really I have realized that my boss could have suggested just about anything for dinner next Thursday and I would have been pleased as punch by it. The fact is the food will be delicious as I know all of us that will be cooking it are excellent in the kitchen. The company will be wonderful because it is all people I love.
All in all it will be a good day where we will be fat, happy, and thankful together no matter what is served for dinner.
Monday, November 12, 2012
- Renn Faires, much like Halloween, has become an excuse for women to dress in the sluttiest clothes they can find. You expect women in corsets, but the number of girls wearing costumes that you would find at a porn shop is a little disturbing.
- Renn Faires are an excuse to let your geek flag fly high. I can't even begin to identify a quarter of the cosplay that walks by me on a daily basis. I have no idea what half of these fandoms are. In one day I had the 10th and 11th Doctor, the Tardis in multiple forms, a dozen different animes, Assassins Creed, WoW, Warhammer, Storm Troopers, Starfleet officers, Xena, more Links than I could count, and enough Jack Sparrows to fill his delusions when he was in Davy Jones' Locker.
- Renn Faires are an excuse to act weird. You don't have to be in costume to just be ridiculous. Most of the crazy off the wall comments I hear are coming from people wearing jeans and t-shirts.
- Renn Faires are an excuse to flirt unabashedly with anyone and everyone. Inhibitions go right out the window, and suddenly everyone is a flirt regardless of things like age, gender, or social status.
- Renn Faires are an excuse to make inappropriate comments. This is another loss of inhibitions. In real life a soccer mom would never make a comment about my breasts. At faire I get at least one soccer mom a day tell me I have amazing or distracting cleavage.
- Renn Faires are an excuse to not be you for a short time. The number of people who create a character just to escape reality for a few hours is staggering. Escapism at its finest.
Today is the husbeasts birthday. I am so incredibly thankful that he was born. He is the most wonderful person in the world and I love him more than anything. I don't think he will ever know how important he is to me.
Happy birthday to my wonderful husbeast! I love you!!
I am a people watcher. I always have been. I really just enjoy sitting back in a quiet corner and watching people. I find it fascinating and really calming in a way.
I watch people and I study them and in my head I write stories about them. If I see a stranger in a store or the airport or in the car next to me in traffic it takes no time at all for my mind to begin to create stories for them. Who they are, what kind of life they lead, where they are going, and anything else my over active imagination can come up with.
Rarely does my brain come up with a boring scenario. These people in my mind always lead interesting lives, if not outright exciting lives. I know it probably isn't true. I know most likely their lives are nowhere near as exciting as I make them. It amuses me though to create these lives for these people. I sometimes wonder if they would like the lives I have given them.
I also have discovered that you can learn a lot by just sitting quietly in a corner. People say and do the most interesting things. You can discover a lot about a person just by watching them over a period of time. I think that may sound a little creepy, but it really isn't meant to be.
It isn't just what people say, it is how they actually behave. How they hold their drink, play with their jewelery, eat their food, pick at peeling paint, watch others, all tell me things about them. You can learn so much more by not talking and simply observing.
I have a friend who once told me that he was certain I knew everyone's secrets from years of quiet observation. He noted that he would never want to cross me because of this and then poured me another pina colada.
I wouldn't say that he was wrong, and I wouldn't say that he was right either. I do know some secrets but more precisely I know people more than they think I do. I have subtle insight into my friends that might surprise even them.
All in all I don't think it is a bad thing. I think more people would be amazed at what they could find if they simply sat back and quietly watched the world go by. You would be really surprised what you have been missing.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Today the things I have to complain about are so minor that it almost makes me embarrassed to be upset over them. Facebook is not working for me today and is actually actively annoying the hell out of me. I keep getting nothing but the letter 'I' and 'F' in all of my Words With Friends games. My legs hurt so bad from my workout on Wednesday that I am having trouble going from standing to sitting and vice versa.
There are other things that are annoying me today but they are all equally trivial. I mean talk about first world problems. I have absolutely no room to complain.
So instead I am going to take a moment to focus on the good things of this day.
-It is a pay day today.
-After paying all of my bills due this pay check I had enough money to pay off a good sized debt and still have more than enough money to last me the next two weeks.
-I get to go to faire tonight.
-Minor crisis at work was averted.
-I have super tasty leftovers for lunch because the husbeast was smart enough to pack them up last night instead of leaving them out to spoil as I would have done because I fell asleep before I remembered to do it.
-I woke up to a cat on my chest giving me morning purrs and snuggles.
-I am apparently having a really good hair day despite thinking my curls looked flat.
There now. I feel better.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
I am of the opinion that November needs a saying as well, only it needs to represent the emotional roller coaster that this particular month represents. It starts off with tension, aggression, and people spewing vitriol left and right over elections, and ends with an outpouring of love and gratitude for Thanksgiving. Talk about polar opposites.
Here is the thing, I don't talk about politics. If you go through all the archives of my blog you may find one post that is vaguely political in nature, but that is it. I just don't talk about them. Not with you, not with anyone. I will get up and walk out of a room if people start talking about them.
It is not that I don't have opinions, I do, and they are strong. That is the thing though. Anyone who has an opinion on politics has strong opinions. When we talk about them we get all worked up. Even in a friendly debate people get very charged. It can be stressful. I don't like that. So I avoid it.
Most people don't avoid it though, and it is sort of unavoidable come the start of November, especially in a year like this one where we are voting on the President of our country. Whether your guy one or lost you are going to have a strong reaction to it. Sadly many peoples reactions are very angry. Angry is probably wildly understating things, but we will go with that for now.
I get why. I really do. I understand why my mom is so upset, and she has very valid reasons, and I feel bad for her. Still she has refrained from posting or saying anything wildly inappropriate in her moment of distress. Of course my mom is an amazing woman full of composure and grace when it is called for. That is why she is awesome.
I think I got away from my point. Let me regroup.
So the beginning of November is fraught with intense emotions and a lot of people throwing temper tantrums like they were small children who didn't get a cookie or a whistle (that one was for you mom). Ugly things are said, feelings are hurt, and it is all around an un fun situation.
Then a few weeks pass and suddenly amidst a swarm of family and friends we find ourselves elbow deep in a turkey carcass feeling infinite thankfulness and love for the lives we lead and the things that we have. All of the anger is pushed away as we take the day to stop and think about all of the things that we are thankful and happy for despite any sort of strife or unpleasantness is in our lives.
There is all of this good will and happiness that fills us up at the end of this month that it makes it hard to believe that we started the month saying hateful irrational (or possibly rational) things. Perhaps we should stop now during the angry times to have a turkey sandwich and remember all of the good things in our lives a few weeks early.
November is a hell of a month. It comes in like a raging squall and goes out with calm waters. I am just holding on, keeping my head down, and trying to ride out the storm for now.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The thing is though, I know this is a lie. I know that realistically I can still get most everything I am putting off done. Yes I have lost access to my weekends. Those 48 hours are taken up by faire. I will get nothing productive around the house done. Also during the fall faire I lose my Friday nights to driving. Still there are four other nights in my week, so why is it I can't manage to do anything?
Mondays are hard because I effectively have faire hangover. I am tired from the weekend and pretty much don't want to do anything at all. By the time I drag myself home from work the only thing I really want to do is collapse on the couch and watch TV all night. Monday is grocery day though so I always have to stop at the store on the way home. Somehow by the time I put the groceries up I have convinced myself that this was enough of an accomplishment for the night that I can do nothing else.
Tuesday nights my game group meets. That pretty much makes the evening useless. I have people over from about 6:30 until 10. The thing is I get home at 5:20. That leaves almost an hour where I could do things like wash the dishes, or quickly vacuum the house, or start a load of laundry. There is a lot I could get done in that hour.
Wednesdays are this strange point in the week when I have no good excuse for being lazy. I am supposed to be heading to B's house for some junkyard gym time. Here lately I have been making the excuse that I am not supposed to go without the husbeast because he wants to go but since he doesn't get home until well after 6 we just can't go. I should be able to make dinner, clean up the kitchen, vacuum, clean the bathroom, fold the laundry, or any other number of chores. Somehow though the only 'chore' I ever seem to manage is to catch up on the DVR.
Thursdays are faire prep days. I have to do the laundry and stuff for faire. So that is precisely one load of laundry which in reality takes about 30 minutes of my time including the folding and packing portion. Also I have been really bad lately and have been throwing the wash in before I go to bed, and then Friday morning throwing it in the dryer before I go to work, and then packing it Friday afternoon before we leave. So Thursdays end up being me watching TV and being thoroughly unproductive yet again.
So you see there, three whole evenings where I could be doing things. There are three evenings that I could spread out weekly chores like laundry, vacuuming, and general cleaning. There is more than enough time in every evening to cook dinner and tidy the kitchen. There is plenty of time in my schedule for me to work out.
My brain just doesn't agree. My brain somehow sees the loss of my lazy weekends as a huge issue. It tells me that I need to do as little as possible on those weeknights so that I can rest and relax. My brain says that watching TV is much more urgent than vacuuming up the dog and cat hair from the floor. Chores are a distant second in importance to my ass groove.
As I sit here at my desk, at my job, with nothing productive to do at work, I feel that my job is such a waste of productive time. Sure I am tired now but I am awake and it is daylight. I could totally be cleaning my bathroom, or vacuuming my floors, or doing the grocery shopping right now. Hell I could be at the gym working out. In reality though I know that I would probably just be sitting on my couch checking facebook and watching something on my DVR.
I find this all a little disturbing and completely unacceptable. I guess in reality we are our own worse enemies. My greatest accomplishment really is just getting my ass off of my couch and doing something.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
This building is mysterious.
How can an office building be mysterious you might be asking yourself. Well let me tell you it is.
For one thing I am not really sure anyone works in the building. They have a whole slew of parking spots that are marked as reserved and no one ever parks there. In the nearly five years I have worked here the only people I ever see going in or out of the building is the campus security or workmen that are doing construction on the inside. I think it has been remodeled a dozen times now.
So it is this big building that is occupied but no one is ever there. Perhaps it is because of constant shoddy construction. Perhaps it is actually occupied by a company that trains construction crews. Perhaps it is a company that only works at night. These are all possible scenarios.
Or perhaps it is a company that is secretly manufacturing toxic chemicals in an underground laboratory.
Did I lose you there? Let me explain.
A couple of years ago we all became aware that something was amiss in this building as there was one morning a large number of hazmat vehicles surrounding the building. Large tanker trucks were running hoses into the building and men in plastic suits were running around frantically. I believe we were sent an email telling us to keep clear of the workmen.
You can imagine how confused we all were since we don't work in an area where one would expect to see a hazmat team. These are standard office buildings not some sort of production plant. I mean I think some of my coworkers lunches classify as hazardous materials, but this was ridiculous.
A few days after this happened I was walking to the deli for lunch. The walkway runs beside the mystery building. There is also a little park like strip of grass and trees down in a lower area between the buildings. Or at least it used to be park like.
As I walked by I could not help but notice all of the grass had turned brown and was dead as were all of the trees. There were large tunnel like tubes crisscrossing the ground going into the tank trucks. It really was a chemical spill of some sort.
Of course we never heard what happened. Nothing in the news about some sort of chemical spill or problem. No signs of who occupied the building or what they had done wrong. No health warnings to us either. Just a quick massive cleanup.
After a few years the grass has finally grown back, and the trees are looking healthier, though most are still yellow and not green yet. There still is no sign of anyone in the building aside from the occasional construction crew. It still remains a mystery.
I know I could probably use Google and figure it out, but I sort of like it being a mystery. I like being able to speculate about what goes on over there. I prefer to think that I work next door to some sort of secret evil villain's research installation.
What? Like you wouldn't think that was cool.
Monday, November 5, 2012
I had something I wanted to blog about today, but the idea is lost somewhere in the ether. I really do need to start jotting these things down. I have a smart phone and at least two notebooks in my purse so I should be able to make notes even when I am out. Somehow though note taking eludes me.
I am certain I will remember at some point and then brilliance will happen in this space, but today is not that day. I will probably sit up in bed one night and shout out the idea as it suddenly slams into me. I did something like that last night as I remembered the name of a guy who used to tend bar at the bar where the husbeast and my best friend worked in college.
He used to sing (badly) Tiny Dancer while he was cleaning up at the end of the night. I always forget his name. A couple of weeks ago the husbeast and I were talking about that bar, and this guy came up but neither of us could remember his name.
Last night on the drive home Tiny Dancer came on and suddenly his name was there. I shouted out suddenly "Rusty!". The husbeast nodded sagely knowing this was the right name. Everyone else in the sar was just confused by my sudden outburst.
This story had a point, but I have forgotten what it is.
Did I mention I was in a fog?
Anyways, come back tomorrow and I promise there will be something here. I don't promise it will be more coherent or thought provoking or anything really. All I promise is something. It is a mystery. It is exciting. It is a thing.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Saturdays are decadent. For most of the world a Saturday is the first day off they have had all week. There has been great anticipation of the Saturday. People languish in the laziness of a Saturday. They sleep in well past that which they should. They lay about much longer than they should. They are simply decadent in their nothingness.
Saturday mornings are known for sugary cereals and cartoons. Saturday mornings are for hangovers. Saturday mornings are an event.
Sundays though are unassuming. Sunday mornings are mornings of sleeping just enough. Sunday mornings are for family breakfasts. They are made for snuggles under the covers. They are made for warm drinks and reading a book.
There is no stress or excitement of the weekend. There is only cherishing the last peaceful moments of the weekend before the week begins all over again. The morning is for just being before the business of the day gets under way.
I love Sunday mornings.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
I am not normal people.
Off and on in my life I have experienced bouts of vertigo. I will admit a few of them have been while inebriated. No I am not afraid to say that knowing my mother will read this, she was there for at least one of those nights. Mostly though my vertigo is experienced in conjunction with a moving vehicle.
Yes that is right I get motion sick. I can get motion sick in an office chair, and have. Repeatedly. My motion sickness is probably a topic my mother could lament to you all about for days and days. Traveling with me as a kid was a challenge to say the least.
Sometimes though I experience bouts of vertigo when there is no motion involved or alcohol for that matter. Not even movies or video games that trigger my vertigo are involved. Sometimes the world just moves on its own.
Vertigo is a very bizarre feeling. It is this strange disorienting sensation that the world is moving around you while you are standing still. It is this strange whooshing motion around your head. It is this weird sensation that the ground is dropping out from under your feet when you are not moving. It makes you sick to the stomach and sort of want to fall on your face.
I have done both of those things.
Today was one of those days. There I was at the jewelery counter in our shop at faire. I am in my corset and skirts, I have on my cute elf like hat, I am all ready to attack the day, when I realize if I m ove my head to fast I am making a desperate grab for the counter so as not to fall over. I have vertigo.
I ended up sitting very still in front of the register for most of the day while I attempted to acclimate to whatever was causing the condition. I wondered if being sick had damaged my ears, but I had no pain or hearing problems. I wondered if maybe there was some sort of pressure system moving in with the rain clouds, but it wasn't that big of a storm. I just couldn't figure out what it was.
Then it truck me. The feeling only hit me when I moved my head to fast, therefore it was linked to my vision. Last week when I was wretchedly ill, and spending hours with my head in the toilet, I managed to damage my left eye.
Wow going back and reading that it sounds bad. Let me explain, and this is totally TMI. I threw up so hard that aside from bruising all of my ribs, I burst a few blood vessels in my left eye and could swear I tore my tear duct. I don't know if one can tear a tear duct, but the feeling was one of tearing and the area effected was my tear duct. There was a throbbing headache over my eye for a few days, and any time my eye watered it felt like someone had poured sunscreen in the duct. Not fun.
Now I noticed on Wednesday after I was able to pull my head out of the toilet and curl up on the couch that I could not watch TV or get online as it gave me vertigo. By late Wednesday night I seemed to have adjusted enough to watch things move. I really didn't do much of getting up and moving the next two days, and I certainly was going nowhere fast.
Today was the first day I had been up and moving since the event. Basically my left eye was not tracking as quickly as my right eye and it was causing a minute delay in my vision. This in the end caused me to have vertigo most of the day.
By days end my eye seems to have finally begun to compensate or adjust or something, as I can now move around without fearing falling over or slamming into a wall.
It really is the small things.
Friday, November 2, 2012
The idea of NaBloPoMo (That abbreviation makes me giggle every time. Seriously say it out loud and tell me you don't giggle. I have seen it abbreviated as NaBloWriMo for National Blog Writing Month, but what fun is that?) is that you make a post every single day of the month. Why? Well because we can I guess. I am sure there is a more significant reason, but I have no idea what it is. I would have to go and find the official site that is behind all of this and read about it, and honestly my give a damn is low.
Lets just say I am just enough of a joiner, or perhaps a bit of a masochist, that I am totally up for seeing if I can manage to accept this challenge. Last year I did it and actually succeeded despite taking a week long vacation to New Orleans in the middle of the month, and having faire every weekend. Trust me, posting on the weekends was the hardest part. I was normally brain dead by the time it came time to write a post. My weekend content was weak.
So that leads me to the second event that is this month, NaNoWriMo (doesn't make me giggle nearly as much). The idea behind this one is you write a novel in a month. Well technically just a 50,000 word novel in a month. I mean that is a good length novel, especially for a month. Thing is I have half written things that are already that long. I am very verbose though.
I meant to do this last year. In fact I had never heard of NaBloPoMo before November 1st, so I thought it was totally possible. I mean even with a vacation and faire I should have been able to crank out 50,000 words in a month if I actually tried. Turns out that faire, a vacation, and NaBloPoMo, plus my photo a day project was just a little too much for me. I don't think I wrote anything towards a novel last year.
Am I going to try again this year? No clue. We will see if I am feeling squirrely or not. I have no vacation or photo a day project and lots of spare time at work. Maybe I will write a novel this month. Or maybe I will play a lot of sudoku.
I just think it was very poor planning to have two big writing events in one month. A lot of bloggers I know also are writers who would want to or do participate in NaNoWriMo. One can only be expected to write so much in one day. Or perhaps that is all part of the challenge. Or perhaps it is a lesson in prioritizing.
However you look at it, I call it poor planning.
None the less you can expect to see something from me every day in November. That includes weekends. So please come back and check on me on the weekends so I at least don't feel like I am talking to myself. And let me know if you are participating in either of these insane experiments. I would love to hear how you are handling it.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Trust me it is never a good thing when I catch something from him. The first time I caught a cold from him the doctor was sure I had mono or strep. Of course I tend to think that doctor was an idiot since I wasn't really exhibiting any symptoms for either of those.
So I missed Halloween altogether which makes me really sad. It is probably one of my favorite days of the year. We actually had trick or treaters this year and I didn't get to see any of them. Also the husbeast bought the candy which means he bought stuff I don't like. I suppose it is better for me that way.
I can remember when I was a little how much I looked forward to Halloween. The costumes were really my favorite part. I mean the candy was great too, but I loved getting to play dress up. There is an adorable picture somewhere of me on my first Halloween dressed as a clown. It took my mom forever to gather what little hair I had together into a little wispy nub so she could put the little pom pom on my head.
I remember when we got older that I was terribly disappointed that we were too old for trick or treating. There were still excuse to dress up, but it somehow didn't feel the same. When we took our younger sisters trick or treating we always dressed up too. We weren't those teenagers in jeans and t-shirts expecting to get candy because we were there.
Now that I am an adult dressing up for Halloween almost never happens. A lot of times I am at faire during Halloween so there is that. Otherwise there aren't a lot of reasons to dress up. If there is the off chance someone throws a party that is a reason, but there hasn't been a party in many years now.
I think next year I need to make an effort to actually have a Halloween costume and dress up. I enjoy it to much to not dress up. Oh and I need to work on not being sick too.