Starting is the hardest part of just about anything. When you begin a journey you are full of hope but you are also full of trepidation. There are just so many things to do and think about that sometimes it becomes daunting and seems just to be much simpler to just not start anything at all.
Starting again is even worse. Not only are you plagued by the typical concerns of beginning something but now you have to deal with all the questions and doubts about why you stopped in the first place. The thought that perhaps you had somehow failed and having to consider if this time will be any different. It can be enough to make you give up before you have begun.
The world is littered with half written novels, partially painted pictures, mostly knitted sweaters, and projects doomed to never see the light of day thanks to anxiety and apathy. It always seems easier to stop or never begin that to fail or get bored with something, or at least that is what we all like to tell ourselves when we look back on the could have been in our life.
When I started this blog almost 4 years ago I was very determined not to let this become a project I regretfully set aside and looked back on longingly. I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to make the same old excuses that we all make when we let things fall by the wayside. I was going to do this thing because it was something I genuinely wanted to do.
Now here I sit looking back at the last year and I realize that is exactly what I did. I posted a total of 32 times last year and it has been almost two whole months since my last post. In the world of a short attention spanned blog audience that is forever (I know I counted).
I look back and I ask myself what the hell happened? Had I grown bored? Had I run out of things to write? Had I run out of time? Was it a combination of all of these things that made me set aside something that I used to enjoy so much?
If I am lying to myself, and you, I would say yes. It would be a lie though.
The truth is, I just haven't been here. I have no excuses, I just haven't bothered.
I have more than enough time. As I sit at my desk playing Candy Crush on my phone I could easily be cranking out blog posts. So obviously time is not an issue. I have plenty of time if I would just make it.
I certainly haven't run out of things to write about. If that ever happens I have probably run out of air to breath. My personal life is full of things I could be writing about and always is. We are having a new house built and that experience could have an entire blog devoted to it.
Personal life aside the world has been full of topics that are just begging to be written about. I mean you can't swing a cat without hitting an article about a dozen different hot topic issues from feminism, to the Interview and Sony cyber attack, to the tragedy of Charlie Hebdo, to mental illness, to a hundred other topics that have been in the spotlight. Material is certainly not an issue.
I suppose I have let apathy take a firm grip on me and have not been able to escape. I have made many attempts at breaking the cycle of doing nothing, but little has come of it. I have deleted more half written posts over the last few months than I would really like to admit.
So what does this mean for the blog? Am I giving up on it? No I most certainly am not. I still have far to many things to say, whether anyone is listening or not. Will I be posting more? Who knows. I am most certainly going to try, but you know what they say about good intentions.
Being honest with you my minions means that I can't keep lying to myself. I have to admit I have just been apathetic and lazy if I ever want to overcome this and get back on the path I set for myself. Sometimes it just takes saying it out loud.
So here is hoping that I have shoved the apathy monster back into its box for a while and I can get back to accomplishing that which I set out to do. I hope that if any of you are being sat upon by this particular beast that you can shrug it off and get started again. We are all capable of so many amazing things, we just have to get started.
Starting is hard.
The journey is worth it.