Sometimes I just can not find the words.
Actually I take that back. I can always find words. Words are always a constant. I should more aptly say; Sometimes I can not find the right words. Saying stuff is easy. Saying the right stuff at the right time is actually really quite difficult.
Here lately I have been full of the wrong words. There have been plenty of things flying from my fingertips, and yet no content being generated. I will sit and write and write until I am satisfied that I have written all there is for the moment, but when I look back on the words I deflate. These are not the words I wanted to write.
I think in the last week I have deleted four completed blog posts. I have written everything from lists of random personal facts, to stories from my youth, to talking about current injuries. Every one of them fell flat. I felt nothing for what I had written. If I can't get behind reading it how can I expect anyone else to?
It isn't just here in my little blog either. I have been doing the same for my stories for a while now. I will write pages of content on a story and in the end have nothing to show for it. I think that I can always go back and edit it and change it if it sucks. Then I go back and re read it and realize that 'editing' in this case would be 'deleting and rewriting' because it doesn't even begin to resemble what the story needs.
I don't know what I am doing wrong. I don't know that I am doing anything wrong. I can't say I am lacking in inspiration or missing my muse, because that isn't it. I know what I want to write. I know what I want to say. I even know I want to do it. It just isn't working out that way.
I am doing the one thing I know I should do. I am writing. I sit down and put my fingers on the keyboard or a pen to paper, and I just write. I write until I am done and hope that what I have put down is worth something. I write in hopes that even if it is worthless in content that it will push me through to writing what needs to be done.
I just have to keep searching for my words.