Retail Therapy

Last Friday was not a bad day. It was in fact your average sort of Friday. For me it meant minimal work in the office, lunch out with a friend, and heading home a little early to get chores done before a long faire weekend. Among my Friday chores was a trip to the Super Target by the office for some groceries and stuff.

The stuff on my list was actually just a pair of bike shorts to wear under my bloomers at faire. It is fairly common practice to wear something like bike shorts under your bloomers to help prevent chaffing during the long hot faire day.

I have never actually done this. Usually liberal applications of baby powder and well fitting bloomers do me just fine. This year however I have found that my bloomers like to constantly make a constant progression south, and chaffing is more of a concern.

I easily found what I was looking for in the workout section, and soon found myself standing in front of the mirror in the dressing room. It was at this moment, as I stood looking horrified into the mirror that I realized several important things:

- Whoever designed bike shorts is evil, and only intended someone thin and fit to wear them.

- Bike shorts defy certain laws of clothing physics to create unnatural and unexplainable illusions about your body.

- I should never wear bike shorts, even if they will be underneath something an no one will ever see them.


I really was mortified at what I saw. Trust me when I say every flaw about the lower portion of my body was highlighted and exaggerated. There was stuff going on that I couldn't even explain. This was both distressing and confusing to me. I mean I wear yoga pants all the time, which arguably fit snugger than these shorts did, and they are in no way that unflattering.

More than anything though I found it really depressing and upsetting. I have a very fragile self esteem when it comes to my body image, and I have to actively fight off old mindsets about how I should or should not look. That being said I know when something is unflattering, and I can convince myself that just because one item makes me look hideous does not mean that I am not attractive.

So I did what any rational woman would do; I bought clothes that made me look pretty.

I headed out of the dressing room, made a quick circuit through the woman's clothing and found a couple of adorable cotton sun dresses to try on. Soon I was standing in front of the dressing room mirror smiling at myself as I looked positively adorable in an emerald green dress with a bow, and then a flirty little black dress whit some fun criss crossing across the bust.

I wore both of the dresses this weekend during after hours socializing and was met with nothing but positive feedback on how I looked. Everyone agreed that the dresses were adorable and I looked lovely.

Screw you bike shorts, I am beautiful no matter what you say.