Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Supporting habits

One of the things that I attribute to having a strong and successful marriage is having separate interests. No matter how much you love someone you just can't spend all of your time together doing the same things. I am not saying you shouldn't have common interests and hobbies, but I think it is important to have things that are your own. It is good for you to have some form of individuality within your union.

Lets face it we all need space. We all need things that are ours. I love the husbeast more than anything in the world but I love him more for having things that are his and don't exactly involve me. We have lots of shared hobbies and interests, but an equal number of things that are separate. I am fairly certain that if I were forced to like and do all the things he does all the time I would either have long since been divorced or be in prison for suffocating him with a pillow in his sleep.

He has all sorts of things that interest him that I either don't understand or have very little desire to be involved in. He is part of a paintball team, he does Highland games, he paints miniatures, he plays warhammer 40k and other games of the like, he does English wrestling, and a number of other things that are his and not mine. Of course I sew, write in online RPGs, refinish furniture, and bake. None of these are things that really interest him (except the results of the baking, he loves that).

Of course part of being married is also showing some sort of interest in the things your spouse loves. I may not be directly involved in any of these enterprises but I have to support him in them. I mean none of them are illegal, intentionally dangerous, or nefarious in any real fashion so I might as well support them.

Through the years support has come in many forms. I have traveled across state lines and woken up stupidly early and sat for long hours in intense heat to watch him throw in Highland games events. I have gone to countless practices and watched him work. I have gone so far as to learn the rules and watch other gamers so I can help critique his form. I am always the one in the back telling him to 'suck less'. 

I have bought him countless minis for his warhammer habit. I have bought paints and brushes, have bought display cabinets and paint racks, I have helped him choose colors, I have based minis for him so he can be ready for tournaments, and I have listened to him talk about the game for hours even though I have no idea what it is he is talking about. I even went so far as to at least remember the names of some of the different units and types of minis and their basic functions so that I can contribute something to these conversations.

The latest obsession of his is English wrestling. At faire we have an English wrestling show that was started by a friend of ours a few years back. The show is wildly popular among the participants of faire as well as the patrons. This year the wrestling master handed the show over to the husbeast which was a huge thing for him.

To say that the last few months have been filled with wrestling talk is an understatement. We do not go to a meal with friends where wrestling is not discussed. Most Friday nights you can find the husbeast and the kid going over new moves in the living room. There are so many nights of him just sitting sifting through videos online that I can't count them. It is his thing.

This past weekend, in an incredibly touching moment that left no dry eyes in the crowd, our friend who started the show and has always been the wrestling master, handed title of master over to the husbeast. It was a fairly epic moment that the husbeast will be glowing about for quite sometime to come. It also means that the obsession has ramped up a little.

As the good wife I have seen this and am doing what I need to do. While wrestling is still not my thing, and never will be, I am doing what I can to support it and him. I know just going to his show and listening to him talk about it is not going to be enough. I am now actively helping him in searching for locations where they can practice out of season. I am helping him form plans for a better show. I am letting him bounce ideas and pro and con lists off of me. I am looking into logistics that never crossed his mind.

I do all of this because I love him. I do all of this not because it is something that excites me, but because it is something that excites him. I do it because I want him to be happy. It is still his thing, and he still spends plenty of time doing it by  himself, but I am there to help him when I can.

I know that when the time comes he will follow me through a five hour fabric shopping spree. I know that he will sit and listen to me spew out design ideas at him. I know that he will listen to me go on and on about stories I am working on. I know he will put up with whatever project I dive into next and help me find solutions to my road blocks. I know that he will happily eat try whatever I have experimentally thrown together in the kitchen.

Separate but together; happily doing our own thing but supporting the other even if sometimes we are just smiling and nodding and waiting for the obsession to wane.


  1. Thanks man. I just try to be the good wife. Happy husbeast makes for happy marriage which makes for a happy me.