Monday, August 5, 2013


I've just been hiding under my own little black rain cloud here lately, and unlike Winnie the Pooh, it is not in some clever plot to get honey. There is definitely a lack of honey trees in my life. Those aren't honey bees, in fact I am fairly sure it is a swarm of yellow jackets. (No seriously there are yellow jackets inside my house.)

So today you get a list of things I don't understand or just don't like. Most of these things are things that are pushed into my face every day on TV or through social media memes. I have just reached a point where I can't keep looking at this stuff without saying something.

You have been warned.

- I don't get Shark Week. I can't see what is so fascinating about sharks to justify an entire large chunk of time devoted to them every single year. I mean how many years has this been going on now? Is the sensationalism of Shark Week what actually makes it work? I mean maybe people hear all this talk about Shark Week, and they are confused so they tune in, thus bringing up the ratings and continuing the trend. This is the only thing I can think of as a logical explanation.

- I don't think Ryan Gosling is overly attractive. I mean he is sort of easy on the eyes from the neck down, but his face is not appealing to me. His eyes are set too closely together. It is the same problem I have with Sean Penn. You know who has close set eyes? Serial killers. I just can't look at Ryan and think 'Ohh sexy'. I look at him and I think 'I wonder if he tortured small animals as a child'. 

- I don't think pugs are cute. I am sure they are sweet enough and are good dogs, but that doesn't mean they are cute. I also don't really think anything can be so ugly that it is cute, so that logic doesn't work for me. While we are talking about dogs, I don't think chihuahuas are cute either. They look like big rats to me. Also in my experience they have bad attitudes. Don't even get me started on chiweenies. You bred a mean over-sized rat with the evil demon breed of dachshund? Who thought that was a good idea? 

- I don't understand stupid humor. I get slap stick to a point, but modern stupid humor just is lost on me. Most things classified as humorous I actually find painful. I have tried, I really have, but most of the time I just walk away feeling like I have lost a chunk of time from my life I can never get back and would have been better spent folding socks.

- I don't like In n' Out burger. Probably because I will only eat a burger with cheese and ketchup, thus missing out on whatever it is that is so magical and special about these burgers that people wait in line for hours for. As far as just a plain old simple burger, they aren't that special. Give me a Whatabruger any day of the week.


  1. You an I are a lot alike. I don't care about shark week. I don't even know exactly who Ryan Gosling is (I'm sure I'll recognize him when I see a picture.) I don't get pugs either. I like satiric humor. I don't like slapstick humour. Think Galaxy Quest as opposed to an Will Farrell comedy. Heck, sometimes I don't even get why people are laughing at the things I'm saying in an improv show. In 'n' Out Burger doesn't have bacon. Enough said. There is no reason for me to ever eat there again.

  2. LOL! Your black clouds made me laugh because I totally get most of those things!

  3. There is only one Will Ferrel movie I like and that is Stranger Than Fiction. I love that the lack of bacon on the menu makes In n Out an unsuitable choice for burgers. Totally valid.

  4. I am finding that most people get them, they just never voiced it.

  5. I can completely second all of these... except for the bit about the dachshund. But I grew up with them, so.... I have an excuse. I was raised by the evil demon breed. :) But on all other fronts... I am right there with you!