Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Not that kind of girl

Ok confession time.

I hate shoes. I hate purses. I hate makeup. I hate smelly bath products. I hate getting manicures.
Yes I know that probably makes me lose my girl card or something, but it is the truth. I hate all of these things.

I like being barefoot. My favorite shoes are a pair of 3 year old $5 flip flops. I think Jimmy Choo's look like any other shoe and can't fathom why they would cost as much as they do. I can only justify spending more than $40 on a pair of shoes if they are something like my faire boots.

I would prefer not to carry a purse at all, but when I have to it is normally a messenger bag or tote of some sort. I own a black purse for dress occasions and even that was a $20 Target purse. I look for practicality in my purses. I honestly think the more you pay for a purse the uglier it is. I've seen diaper bags that were more attractive than most women's purses.

I only wear makeup for special occasions or faire. I get lost in Sephora. I have no idea what half of the things in there are. I took theatrical makeup classes and they were less complicated than some of the processes that women go through for makeup to wear to work. Also I think anyone who puts on makeup for the gym should be slapped.

I keep my nails long and shaped on my own. Add that with the fact that I can't stand to have even clear polish on my nails, and you have made manicures pointless. Why am I going to pay someone to rub lotion on my hands and soak my cuticles? Yea totally useless service. I don't find it relaxing in the least.

I think I actually have fewer products on the bathroom counter than the husbeast does. No I take that back I am now using three hair products in order to maintain my curly hair in the Texas humidity, so I now have more than he does.

You will only find the very basics there though. There is one lotion. There is one facial moisturizer. There is one face wash. There is one bottle of lavender body spray. There is deodorant. There is baby powder. That is it. That is right, only one of each. There are no long complicated cleansing processes. There are no elaborate rituals involving slathering myself in different goops and tinctures. Simple straight forward mild unscented soap and moisturizer. That is it.

I don't feel like less of a girl for any of this. I am not suffering for my Payless shoes and clearance Target purse. My skin and body aren't suffering for my uncomplicated product usage. I don't look less feminine for my lack of makeup. If I felt like it I could primp and perfume myself and dress to the nines with matching clutch and fascinator, even if I had to borrow pieces to complete the look. I can still look the look if I needed or wanted to.

Thing is, I don't really want to.

I would appreciate not getting condescending looks and being talked to like I am slow when I express my dislike of these things. I am not saying you are some sort of horrible person for wearing a ton of makeup or having an hour long beauty process that you go through twice a day. I am not telling you are an idiot for spending  more on what looks like a cheap diaper bag than I spent on a tablet for the husbeast. Hell I won't even tell you that it is ugly. 

So there you have it. I don't like girl things. I never really have. I don't care.


  1. In this respect, I swear for the life of me, I don't know how you are my daughter.  But, I do respect you for your choices.  I on the other hand, am quite happy primping, and playing with all kinds of stuff.  I do get my nails done, both hands and feet, but both out of necessity rather than pleasure, in fact, I hate spending my time getting it done.  But, since my nails split across the middle of the nail bed, and I can't bend my legs enough to reach my toes to cut the nails, I get them done.  I assure you that even though I love all the make-up and primping, I'm also very comfortable baiting not only my fish hook, but my husband's as well.  And if we are out dove hunting, don't you dare throw a dead bird at me expecting me to squirm and scream because I will pick up your bird, pull its head off and then toss it in my bag.   You are your mother's daughter in so many ways, but when it comes to this particular subject, I'm not sure what happened along the way :)

  2. Goodness, if you lost your girl card, then I've been retroactively unfemale'd, heh. I don't own a single piece of make-up or lotion or whatever that stuff people put on their skin. (I have a huge "goo" avoidance.)  I chopped off all my hair because it was getting in the way and now if it's longer than two inches in any direction I feel like I need a cut again! And sigh, I hate purses too. But I have to carry a lot of medical stuff with me and purses are a necessary evil.

    My sink is cluttered with crap. I have every variation of teeth cleaners I can get, since I've been hereditary ~blessed~  with the worst teeth genetics can donate.

    So I know the feeling. People (read: women) give me such weird looks like I'm from another planet. And then they find out I'm queer and associate it all with my sexuality. Uh no. Most of the lesbians I personally know are the biggest femmes you've ever met (and they rock it).

    I feel it's okay though. I'm not a girl. I'm a woman, damnit.