The husbeast is not perfect. He is far from it. Of course I myself am far from perfect as well. I am not really sure anyone is actually perfect, especially people who think they are. We are all flawed. We are human, it is part of the gig.
The husbeast is most certainly flawed. I mean he has some huge glaring annoying obnoxious flaws. There are things about him that drive me absolutely insane. He does stuff sometimes that makes me want to smother him in his sleep with a pillow. I am working under the impression that this is a normal things in most marriages.
By the general fact that he is both still breathing and married to me, I think it is safe to assume that I have, as of yet, not taken the smothering route. I have learned to tolerate his flaws and in some instances embrace them. I love him not really in spite of his flaws but more because of them.
So that sounds weird I know. Loving his flaws when they drive me to thoughts of murder seems a bit off. Here is the thing though, if he didn't have his flaws he wouldn't be himself. I love him. All of him. The entire package, flaws and all.
While I may really wish he could learn to at least take his dishes to the sink and maybe someday also rinse them off, I am not holding my breath that either will ever happen, and I am alright with this. I know he will never actually mean that he will do something in a minute and will more likely either never get around to it or wait for days or weeks to get it done. I know that he will always be more stubborn than a mule. I know he will always get irrationally angry while driving. I know that he will have glaring moments of hypocrisy. It is just who he is.
I also know though that he will always be fiercely loyal to those he calls his. I know that he can be tender and loving and gentle despite his gruff outer appearance. I know he is brilliant and while he will passionately and sometimes stubbornly argue his point, he can learn and accept other points of view. I know he has wit and a sharp tactical eye. I know he can create and imagine. I know that he can be very insecure and critical of himself. I know he will work himself to the point of hurting himself if he thinks it will provide for us. I know that he can love.
I know he is a good man.
It hurts me when I see him hurting for any reason. He tries to be tough and slough things off, but the truth is he is not a duck and water does not just roll off his back. He will get angry and lash out when he is hurt because it is an easy emotion for him. Rage comes naturally. Anyone who either doesn't expect this or thinks it is over reacting doesn't actually know him very well.
The thing is that after the initial rage is always the most profound sadness. He tries so hard, and does the best he knows how, and he will never understand why that isn't always enough. There will always be someone out there who will either take advantage of his loyalty or expect more than he has to give. There will always be people who mistake his absentmindedness for intentional neglect. There will always be people who can't accept his flaws and love him for them.
I don't think these people are worth all the pain they cause him. They lash out at him thinking that he is just a big tough man and forget that he is actually a person. Just a person like the rest of us, with everything they are out on the line for this fragile and volatile thing we call friendship and love. They forget that when it is all said and done, in the quiet darkness, that he lays awake and wonders what it is he did wrong to cause someone to hurt him so very much. They just assume he doesn't hurt. They assume that he doesn't work like that. All they expect is him to be angry and think that he has done nothing wrong.
The thing is he always thinks he was the one in the wrong and he always wants to fix it. He can't see that sometimes he didn't break it in the first place. He can't see that these people are being cowardly and lashing out at him because of things that they are themselves insecure about.
Small men will always want to pick a fight with the husbeast because he is so very large and strong. They have something to prove to themselves and the world and think by taking on the giant they will somehow fix their own insecurities. The same is true with people with small scared minds. They will attack the husbeast hoping for the reaction of anger so they can feel justified in their attack.
"I told him he was wrong and he got angry" they say to themselves. "He got angry and yelled which proves to me I am right and he is the lesser man for not being calm and rational."
I say you are the lesser man for picking that fight. I think you are the lesser man for hurting someone you are supposed to love. I think you are the lesser man and a coward for not standing up face to face and saying what is really bothering you.
I have no room in my world for cowards and people who hurt anyone I love, especially my husbeast. You know what else? He is better off without people like that in his world.
I love the husbeast, flaws and all. While I may want to smother him sometimes, I never will because I am a better person for having him in my world. He is a good man and if you can't see that, then you are the one losing in the end.