Friday, June 14, 2013

First kiss

Fireworks. Clouds parting and angels singing. Everything else in the world disappearing. Absolute euphoria. Breath taking. Electrical. Pure magic.

These are all terms that we imagine when we think of that perfect first kiss. Movies and literature have got it worked into our brains that when we get that true loves first kiss that it should be this cinematic magical moment that ingrains itself into our minds forever.

Unfortunately those cinematic moments are more the exception than the rule. I have to say my list of first kisses leans more toward the awkward and uncomfortable than the amazingly magical. In fact my very first kiss ever was a nearly traumatic experience.

I was caught completely off guard. We were sitting in the car talking awkwardly when my date just sort of grabbed me and kissed me. It wasn't like the kiss was unwanted or anything. I wanted to kiss the guy. I really wanted to kiss the guy, I just hadn't realized that was where the kiss was going to happen. So I was more startled by the sudden kiss than anything else. Also he was a very bad kisser.  He was incredibly rough and forceful and clumsy, not at all an appealing kiss combination.

I had one first kiss where I was drunk and in my memory it was like I was being mauled by a Saint Bernard. He was all beard and slobber and fumbling. I mean being drunk didn't help I am sure, but I kissed him later while sober and it was just as bad if not worse. When I was sober I didn't have the warm alcohol feeling to wash away my distaste.

Then there was my favorite bad first kiss story with the 'desperate friend'. This guy wanted to date me so badly. I mean he really was just crazy about me. Our mutual friends had to convince me to give him a shot because he was so hung up on me and I just had no interest in him. I gave it a shot and wow did I regret that.

The entire date was awful. It was epically awful. He was running late because of work but called me every 15 minutes to give me updates and had his roommates call me when he couldn't, and he had to beg the restaurant to seat us when they were closing in 5 minutes, and well desperation just isn't attractive.

The date ended with us on his couch watching a movie. He tried a very awkward line to get a kiss (something like after seeing the two main characters kiss saying "That looks like a good idea." only he posed it more as a timid awkward question than a smooth line), and I, trying to be a good sport let him kiss me. It was like what I imagine kissing a sweaty dead fish would be like. He was cold, clammy, sweating, and he just pushed his very thin stiff lips to mine as hard as he could for about 30 seconds before pulling away.

Yea, there was no second date.

Of course sometimes the kisses are worthy of the movies. I have been lucky enough to have two in my memory bank. Yes one of them is the husbeast, who does win best all time first kiss in the history of ever.

The runner up was a guy in college who had the bluest eyes and the deepest voice I have ever heard. Seriously between looking into those eyes that could hypnotize you and listening to that voice that was just enthralling, yea I didn't stand a chance.

We had been at a party one night and I was being sober friend for one of my guy friends who was once sober friend to me. I was in charge of making sure he did nothing stupid and got home safely. Always have a sober friend people.

When it reached the time that he was needing to go home I realized a flaw in my plan. The friends I arrived with, who had driven, had already left. I had no way of getting him home as drunk as he was. Sure we were close enough to walk to our respective dorms, but he was too drunk for that, and I was a girl and didn't walk across our dark pine forest campus alone at night.

The guy with the eyes and the voice came to my rescue and offered us a ride. We took my friend home first and he made sure he made it to his dorm room safely. Then he drove me across campus to my dorm. On the way we began to chat and when we reached my dorm we hadn't finished our conversation so he circled the lot a couple of times. Then we began to just drive around town. Eventually we ended up out at the scenic overlook sitting on a picnic table looking out at the millions of stars that hung in the night sky over a beautiful pine forest.

Our conversation went on for well over an hour. We chatted easily about everything from literature, to theater (my major), to opera (his major), to everything in between. The night was that perfect temperature where spring in Texas has not quite given way to the oppressive heat of summer. It was warm but there was a cool breeze which made it very comfortable to be outside.

He had moved down to the bench in front of me and I was rubbing his shoulders as we chatted. I had reached my arm around his chest so I could get a better angle on his shoulder since I was sitting on the table above him. I had done this twice before and this time he was prepared. Since I had to bend my head close to his he simply turned and met me as I moved in.

Unlike my first kiss ever where I was just suddenly and abruptly kissed, this kiss was smooth and fluid. While I was not expecting it he had planned for just the right moment. The angle was ideal. He was able to bring a hand up to my face and very gently move my face into the kiss, and then with his free arms slide me off of the table and into his lap without ever breaking the kiss.

Also he was an amazingly good kisser.

Up to that moment it was the best kiss I had ever had.

Then I kissed the husbeast.

Then I had the last first kiss of my life, and it was all of those things the movies promised me. The world literally faded away and it was only the two of us. The kiss took my breath away leaving me dizzy and giddy. There was an electric rush than crawled across my skin and up my spine. It was a kiss of such epic proportions that I don't see how any first kiss could ever compare.

We were out at a Halloween bonfire at a friends property. We had all been drinking and having a good time and were all laying in a giant pile near the fire being mellow as the evening drew to a close. I was laying in his arms and he leaned in and softly asked me in a gentlemanly fashion if he could kiss me.

I responded in the only logical way I could at the time; I shouted no, jumped up, and ran to hide in the barn. Yes ladies and gentleman I ran away from the cute boy asking to kiss me. I am just good like that.

I had reasons at the time for my actions. Part of it was alcohol, part of it was liking another guy, part of it was that this was someone who lived in the 'strictly friend' category in my mind. None of this made me want to kiss him. Plus I panicked.

One of our mutual friends tried to explain to him about my being into someone else and seemed to convince him that I did not find him repulsive. The same friend then came and talked me into coming out of the barn and rejoining the party.

As I walked sheepishly back down toward the bonfire I could see that he was sitting in a chair on the cement slab at the top of the hill. I walked by and quietly apologized for my weird freakout. He beckoned me closer wanting to apologize for spooking me.

There was only the one chair on the slab and since he wanted to talk to me but not make me stand he pulled me down to sit on his lap. He began talking quietly to me making his apology. I to this day can't tell you what exactly it was he was saying. He was very warm, I was very embarrassed for my behavior, and he was speaking very softly. 

In fact he was almost whispering requiring him to lean in so he could speak almost directly into my ear. He shifted my weight on his lap and moved to whisper into the other ear. He then shifted again switching ears. He continued to do this as he spoke, his voice soft and lulling. Each time he shifted his mouth moved further from my ears and closer to my mouth.

Then we were kissing.

There was nothing else in the world but his kiss. We were alone in the woods on that slab with nothing but each other and that kiss. It was perfect.

So while the movies often set us up for perfection in a world full of fish lipped, Saint Bernard slobbering, awkward forced kisses, there is always hope. Every story is based in reality somehow. I am here to tell you that those movie kisses can happen, and the movies don't really prepare you for how amazing they really are.

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