Zenless

I typically like to think of myself as incredibly patient person. I like to think that I can take most things in stride. I like to think that I can handle even frustrating situations with some level of grace and decorum. I like to also think that ice cream before bed isn't bad for me at all, so apparently not everything I think is true.

Here lately I have found my patience to be very thin. I have had to walk away from a lot of conversations and situations because I know that I will be unable to keep myself from snapping and saying or doing something snarky and uncalled for. These reactions seem radically irrational to me as well as completely unproductive and most often rude.

I just wrote out a good seven paragraphs on what precisely it is that is driving me crazy about people. I highlighted the things that I really can no longer stand to tolerate and how grating and annoying I find most things. When I finished it I realized that my post had turned into everything I have no patience for just now.

I had turned my blog into a whiny ranty vent fest. If I can't stand to read those sorts of things I am certain that no one else wants to read them. I certainly don't want to publish them. Lets just suffice it to say I have a lot of very specific things that I am displeased with now.

The things that are niggling at me are not the real issue. These things have always existed and always bothered me. The issue really is that I have lost my tolerance for them. I do not have the patience to allow them to happen in front of me. I have lost my zen.

Yes, I think that is what it comes down to. I have lost my zen. That cool calm core that I rely on to navigate me through life has up and left. I don't know when or why it left, but it is gone and I miss it terribly. Without my zen I very well may stand up and scream at the woman in the cube next to me that leaving the ringer on her personal cell phone on while in the office is incredibly rude and inconsiderate, especially when she leaves it on and walks away from her desk and the damn thing rings every two minutes. I am fairly certain that my yelling at her is an HR offense no matter how right I am in my rant.

I guess what I need to do is go and find my zen. I need to recharge somehow so that I can once again tolerate the world. I need to have patience, and lots of it.

Now I just need to figure out how to do this.