For over a year now I have been on a quest to be healthier. Sure part of being healthier involves losing weight, but really the main goal in this little quest of mine is to just feel better and be better. These are good goals to have in my humble opinion.
The problem with being healthier is that it means completely changing a lot of really ingrained behaviors, most of which involve food. I mean come on, I am a 30 year old American woman, I could live on fast food and crap loaded with artificial everything. It is how we have been raised.
Feeling lazy tonight? Order a grease soaked pizza the size of Rhode Island. In a hurry? Swing through the drive through and grab a value meal with a caloric count that equals your entire recommended calorie intake. Out with friends? Order the richest fat filled thing on the menu, plus that sugar laden desert that could feed six, and a couple of tasty adult beverages.
We all over indulge. Worse yet we indulge in things that are really not good for us. We also love doing this. I freely admit that I am guilty of all of the above, and I enjoyed it almost every time.
I did realize the error of my ways though, and have mostly cut this out of my lifestyle. There is still the occasional trip through the drive through, but I always attempt to get the healthiest option, with no fries, or milkshakes. I still go out to dinner, but I pick something that is not terrible, I take half of it home, and if there is desert I split it with a few people. I still order pizza but that is a one or two slice event.
Still there is this little voice in the back of my mind that loves to poke at me.
"Psst. Psst. Hey...hey...hey you. Stop ignoring me. Look at that, there is a McDonalds right there. Come on you love their fries. Or look there is a Whataburger next door, you adore them. Have a cheeseburger, one of the big ones. Oh and a milkshake, you know you want a milkshake. No not the small one, the big one the size of your head. Come on you deserve it, you have been so good. What is one trip to Taco Bell? Come one man...come on...."
For a year now I have firmly said 'No' to that voice. Alright so maybe sometimes I wavered a little, but for the most part I said no. I remind myself that that stuff is not good for me, not as tasty as I think it is, and makes me feel terrible afterwards. All my brain remembers though are all the happy endorphins that junk food let off before I slipped into food stupor comas.
So this week I gave in. I gave in the way a parent gives in and allows their toddler to make bad decisions and learn their lessons the hard way. I let my body have what it thought it wanted. I am ashamed to say I had Taco Bell for dinner twice this week, both times where I ate far more than I should have. I had McDonalds on the way home from a baby shower that had only vegetarian option, and I had a large milkshake to accompany my two McDoubles. The one healthy meal I ate this week, I went back for seconds and then ate a pint of ice cream. I had a big greasy burger at Mooyah's for lunch yesterday and today I am doing the same thing at Five Guys.
I have been down right gluttonous. My caloric count has been outrageous every day. There has been nothing good about my diet this week. I overate, and I ate all the wrong things, just like my body thought it wanted. Well it thought wrong, and like a toddler left to their own devices, it is learning its lesson.
Honestly the idea of another burger for lunch today is making that little voice in my head cry a little. It is starting to think a salad for lunch full of peppers, onions, almonds, and mushrooms would be fantastic. It is looking at ice cream and thinking how tasty grapes really are. It is looking at that giant portion size and insisting that really we don't need that much food.
So now that I have gotten this out of my system, I can go back to being good. Sometimes though, you just need to cheat.