I have been having trouble sleeping lately. Part of me hopes that it is just a result of stress, but the more rational part of me knows this is another bout of insomnia starting. I cringe to think of how long it will last this time around. Sometimes it is a few days or weeks, sometimes it is much much longer.
One of the hardest parts of insomnia is becoming accustomed to the exhaustion again. It is strange to think that I can be functional while not sleeping at night. Reason dictates that this is not actually possible. Reason I have discovered has very little to do with reality.
Every time I talk about being a functional insomniac I think in my head that it sounds like I am comparing myself to a functional alcoholic. In some ways I think that might be an accurate comparison. I mean it is an unfortunate and potentially dangerous condition on both sides of the coin. Also being exhausted can feel like being mildly drunk, so I think the analogy stand. Then again that could be the lack of sleep talking.
The first week or so is always the hardest. While my body can sort of kick into automatic and drag me through the day, my mind is not quite as willing and able. My reaction times are slower and trying to do any sort of advanced thinking is sort of out of the question. Using my memory is also an issue, I can hardly recall anything without a good amount of effort.
I know though that in a week or so, while I will be exhausted still, my brain will be compensating for the lack of sleep. Soon the only way you will know I am not sleeping is the ever growing dark circles under my eyes. I suppose this means I should go buy new concealer.
In the meantime I am going to sit and stare blankly into space or engage in activities that don't really require much thought on my behalf, like my daily work. So if I seem a little slow to respond, or say anything that doesn't particularly make sense, or seem a little short with you, remember it is not your fault. It is in fact the fault of that damned dirty lazy ass sandman for skipping me on his nightly route again. Bastard!